Shiny Happy People

I was at lunch with my colleague SY today when TT walked by.  From the other folks sitting around the other table, I reckon they are enjoying a Christmas lunch for their department.  The way TT walks, talks and behaves reminds me very much of the REM song “Shiny Happy People”.  Youtube video here.

I have known TT ever since I joined the Company 8 years ago.  One gets the sense when talking to TT that he has found his life purpose.  As a scientist, a manager and a father.

It is not the laugh-a-minute types who are truly happy, contrary to most people’s expectations.  Happy people have a different look and a can-do upbeat attitude.  When faced with a situation, we look for what we can do to influence the outcome instead of whining or complaining or over-analysing.

Quit the job?

The period between Christmas and New Year is a strange one.

Every year,  I reflect upon the year that has passed and try to gaze into the crystal ball on the year to come.  Some call it planning.  I prefer to call it what I reckon it truly is – crystal ball gazing – as no one except an all-knowing divine being knows what is in store tomorrow.  Hence I approach life by planning for the worst, and hoping for the best.

One thought has been nagging at me for the past few days.  To quit or not to quit the job?  The Company provides me with sufficient autonomy to do my own thing as and when I choose [yes I work 8 hours, and those 8 hours are of my own choosing].  It has enough breadth and scope that I am intellectually stimulated.  The tone of discussion is civil.  The Brits know how to disagree and keep the tone civil at the same time.  After all the English language is theirs. Click HERE for how the Brits keep things polite.  And yes, the Company pays at the 80^th percentile.which is excellent... according to a Mercer study for jobs at my level and moreover has fantastic medical benefits. 

Why then do I want to quit?  The lack of time to be with the children due to work commitments.  I would have quit, but I need the stability of a known income at the end of the month.  I reckon this question will continue to be on my mind, regardless of my eventual decision.

Lucky people

Another really really great Christmas has passed, surrounded by family all in good health.  Medium Boy received a children's story about a Nepalese boy chasing his dreams to climb Mount Everest from his grandaunt.  The book has notes for the adult reading to the child... I briefly summarise it into 8 points, and how I am doing on each point.

Change your attitude, change your luck. 

Expect to be a winner.  Luck begins in the thoughts.  This quote normally attributed to Gandhi sums it up best.   "Keep your thoughts positive.  Thoughts become words; words become behaviours; behaviours become habits; habits become values; values become destiny"

Making time for yourself to tune into your intuition makes you luckier.

Phew, I do this via this blog and by journalling.

Look for the silver lining.

I belive that looking on the bright side of everything helps to attract luck.  No I am not optimistic that I am a Pollyanna.  It is just much easier to focus on the bit of good in everyone and in every situation, no matter how itsy-bitsy the good seems at first.

Let bad luck slide off you.

Bad things happen to good people.  They are only temporary visitors.  The happy things are permanent.

Try new things.

To expand my mind and my horizons.

Be alert for new opportunities.

Rested and ready, the intuitive me leaps upon new opportunites.

Take steps to improve your life.

I act, I do things to grow and improve.  I contribute uniquely via my work in the office and at home to the world.

Live in the present.

Yesterday is over, no point to dwell too much except to extract the juice of every lesson learnt.  Tomorrow is not here yet....


As Forrest Gump might it, lucky is as lucky does.
Keep working on the luck, everyone!

Raising Boys

Medium Boy has been speaking lately to me about what good guys do and what bad guys do.
He wants to be the good guy and save the world.  *grin*

This dovetails with what Michael Gurian talks about in the 'magical boy' phase that lasts till boys are adolescents in his book "The purpose of boys" in Chapter 3.  Picked the book up from the library a couple of weeks back.

Here is a 2009 interview with Gurian when he launched the book.

This topic is very close to my heart.  I am learning how to raise boys on the go.
I have neither brothers, nor close male cousins who grew up with me.  All I observe about boys and men are from a distance.  Before Small Boy's gender was confirmed at the 20-week ultrasound, I had spoken to him in utero as if he were a girl.  Had even picked a name - Clarice - for the baby!  Now I am grateful I have 2 boys... a boy should have a brother, and a girl, a sister. 

I love my active, sweaty-headed little boys :) even when they drive me up the wall fighting for toys.

24601

Les Miserables is my favourite musical of all time.  The most concise storyline I am able to find online is here. 

From the first "Look down, look down, don't look 'em in the eye"... I am hooked.  During days when I look at a sunny sky when at my laptop in the office cubicle, I am thankful I am doing work I enjoy.

"What have I done?" Jean Valjean's yellow ribbon moment with the Bishop.  Am reminded on how society views ex convicts.

"At the End of the Day" I am another day older and reflect on what I have done for the day.

"I dreamed a dream" He has never let me down in the things that matter, however there ARE days when I feel an affinity for Fantine when I am appalled at the Husband.

"Who am I?" Valjean's signature tune.  Reclaiming his humanity from his 19 years in forced labour, that he is not just 24601.

"Confrontation" between Valjean and Inspector Javert.  The lyrics tell of the circumstances that made both Valjean and Javert who they are, what are their motivations.  The music makes the moment vibrate in the counterpoint between the 2 men, both with a sense of purpose... Valjean to rescue Fantine's child Cosette, and Javert to apprehend Valjean.  My musical technical mind appreciates how the tune and lyrics come together.  I love this track!

"Castle on the Cloud" for all the children who are unloved.

"Master of the House" for all the liars and crooks in the world.

"Stars" I understand too well Javert's need for order in the world.  Just like the stars in their multitude... providing order and light.

The stirring revolution tune in "Do you hear the People Sing?"

The flush of first love between Cosette and Marius. "In My Life/A Heart full of Love"

Bringing all the characters together in "One day more".  Valjean disliking Marius because Marius is courting his daughter Cosette yet wanting to preserve Marius' life for Cosette, preparing for the revolution.  A touch of comic relief from all the heavy themes when the treacherous Thenardiers sing of how they will raid the corpses for valuables.

Eponine's "On my own" to Marius for those of us who experience the pang of unrequited love.  Appealed to the 18 year old me who watched the show for the first time.

Then the attack, and Eponine's death in Marius' arms "A little fall of rain".  One hears the hush when Marius sings the last note by himself.

"Drink with me" Marius drinks to his fallen comrades of the revolution.

"Bring him home" Valjean's protectiveness of Marius.... parents may relate to 'keep him safe... he is young... he is only a boy..... let him live, let me die... bring him peace'

Javert's suicide as Valjean lets him go from being a prisoner of the revolutionaries.

"Turning" with the passage of time.


The Husband watched the musical with me in London Jun 2011.  After the show, he was contemplative and summarised the show thus 'really miserable, nearly everyone dies'.  Ah but the thread of hope runs through with Marius and Cosette's wedding.  That despite misery, life really does go on....

Merry Christmas!

To defend a right

When a man fights, it is normally to acquire.
When a woman fights, it is normally to defend.

What I am defending now...  the right of a person to a life outside of work.

One of the Chennai team has postponed his medical examinations for 6 weeks now just so that he may complete his tests.  The tester in KL came back to work 3 days after her father had a hernia operation so that she may complete her tests.  The data keeps changing in the test system.

Why does work have to be so hard?  It should not and must not be the reason for not taking care of yourself, and not taking care of loved ones.

These are real people.  REAL people with a life.  Not just another digit in the Company.

This too shall pass

My current boss asks me for updates during our weekly calls, she makes me feel like I am just another thing on her to-do list, and does nothing to help defend my work.  I have to explain to boss' boss myself what is going on.

This too shall pass...

Small Boy is clingy to me when I leave home.

This too shall pass...

I am down again with a cold plus slight fever, and I am at the office.

This too shall pass...

Many things shall pass.  As I approach Christmas, I stop to think about the meaning of Advent (the 40 days before Christmas) and the true meaning of Christmas.  I want to re read Charles Dickens' "A Christmas Carol"... if I can spare the time from work, home, the boys. 

A thought experiment: What do the ghosts of Christmas Past, Present and Future tell me?

Past - that I am blessed with many Christmas Days spent with family and friends.  That I am blessed to be able to sing in a choir, to give my time to others and have sufficient money to fulfil another's wish for the Boys' Brigade annual Christmas drive.

Present - that I am blessed with 2 healthy and lively boys, and a soul mate in my Husband.

Future - that I will continue to be blessed.

And all this. too. SHALL. pass!

Hanging by a thread onto my sanity,  Celine

Gathering my Thoughts

I started this blog to write about my diverse interests.  In raising 2 boys ... the breastfeeding stories of their early days, the wisdom and logic of Medium Boy growing into his own mind, getting through the terrific twos with Small Boy expressing his need for individuation.

I am also interested in gender diversity situations in the workplace, work life balance [I found one aspect of my own answer in strong moments, moments that make me come alive with enthusiasm and passion, and then purposely imbalancing my life towards them], music in its capacity to energise, soothe or heal.... traditional chinese medicine to keep all in my family healthy...

And back down to earth... managing a household... cooking, cleaning (where does all the dust in a closed cupboard come from?), first forays into keeping a plant alive and thriving.

Oh what an eclectic list of interests!

So ten things I know to be true today.

1. Cousins have a spectator seat to one's growing up years.  When I am an adult, I appreciate the blood connection with my cousins a whole lot more.  Close enough to understand a part of who I am, yet distant enough to give a more objective view than siblings. 
2. Date nights can be cheap and simple.  Such as a walk to the beach on a drizzly night, then sitting down and counting aeroplanes. 
3. Boys are different from girls.  Raising a boy who is purposeful, who serves his community and aware that all of us are neighbours.
4. Boys interact differently from girls.  The Husband banters with Medium Boy and Small Boy in a way that I never would.  Putting them purposely in situations where they have to reach just a little harder, think a little faster, because this 'aggressive nurturance' is how men teach boys to become men. 
5. I now understand why the Husband does the above, BUT I still cringe inside while letting go and trusting him to teach the boys.
6. Each child has different learning styles.  Medium Boy is primarily kinesthetic.  I havent figured out yet how Small Boy best absorbs information.
7. I love cut flowers around the house!
8. I will grow old one day, look back and think 'these are some of the best days of my life'.  So enjoy the present!
9. The best is indeed yet to be. .... No, I am not from ACS .. for obvious reasons.... or affiliated with any of the schools.
10. I miss my Religious Knowledge and Secondary 3 Chinese teachers.  Wu lao shi taught us to keep our Chinese notes, but the books were thrown out when we had a bug infestation at home.  Sigh.  I miss reading fluently in Chinese.

Get out more!

I have a comfort zone, which lately I have been thinking of expanding.

My itchy feet have led me to

• take up yoga at home
• try not to kill a poinsetta that I bought from Ikea 3 weeks ago.  How brown are my planting-things thumbs?  Managed to murder a cactus that I attempted to grow at my hostel room when I was an undergraduate.
• bring Medium Boy to a trial music lesson yesterday to assess his interest in music, he spent the 45 minutes arranging the paper clips around the piano chair instead.

Otherwise, it is the same groove every day, every weekend.  Not much time or energy to blog after each work day is done, and putting 2 active boys to sleep every night.  I need to get out more!

Aggrieved

Medium Boy reached out his hand to tickle me just as we were settling in to read a book. I slapped his hand away from me... He pouted, turned away from me and I brought his attention back to me (and the book) by asking him to teach Small Boy together with me.

He obliged. He is usually a mild mannered one.

We talk every night before he sleeps. I ask him the same question every night 'what do you want to tell mama?' And limit the conversation by adding '.... Choose just one thing....'

Tonight he chose to ask me why Malaysia has black M and Ms and Singapore does not.  Ehhhhh. Then prefixed his next comment with 'mama, this is still one thing ok...' Heh he is stopping me from interrupting him :)
'Why are there many colours of M and Ms, mama?' Fully confident that I am able to answer him.

Silence for the next 2 minutes.

Then 'mama.... I have a second thing to tell you....'
Ok dear, what is it?
'Mama, when it is an accident (= he means to play, and means no harm, I think...?), you cannot scold me ok.' Referring to his unsolicited unexpected tickling.
Yes my aggrieved darling, I will not scold you if it is an accident.
Hugs.

An excellent reminder from Medium Boy that we judge ourselves by intent, and others by actions. Be kind to each other, human beings..... Says the little wise man.

What to do when you disagree with a blog post

There is a real person behind every blog.  Please run through this process "I disagree.... how do I contribute to this discussion construtively?  Is this kind? Is this necessary?" before commenting.

http://www.positive-parents.org/2012/06/2-years-of-pptb-what-ive-learned-and.html

This one makes me grin.  http://aiminglow.com/2012/08/what-to-do-when-you-disagree-with-a-blog-post/
I love her crappypictures.com blog.  Look for the one on alcohol and coffee.  I swear she has a camera into my home!  only that Medium Boy is renamed Crappy Boy, and Small Boy is known as Crappy Baby.

Peace be with you.  Goodnight.

Strong Wills

I have a temper.  Kind friends of mine say I am strong-willed. 
The Husband has a temper.  Kind friends of his, plus his parents, say he is strong-willed.

Add 2 strong wills together.... is it any surprise that both Medium Boy and Small Boy have strong wills too?  Ater all, there is a 100% chance genetically that Medium Boy and Small Boy are determined little boys.  I look into their eyes and how they act, and I know..... these boys, they have fight in them. 
This song "Little People" from Les Miserables illustrates what the little people can do.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ppotuhZjIkA

Medium Boy as a newborn clamped onto me so hard that I bled on Day 9 when latching him (note to new moms: check latch position!), and cried - loudly and frequently - in protest whenever I unlatched him.   Poor thing was probably hungry half the time..... The lactation consultant I called that day diagnosed that Medium Boy's tongue was prone to stick to the roof of his mouth, and taught me to quickly run my finger along his gum to get his tongue down before latching him.  On hindsight, I should have known that, seems common sense now... however at that time, common sense flys out the window for a new mom though.... that thought did not occur to me then.

[Side note re healing bleeding nipples - please skip this section if you are sqeamish or are not a breastfeeding mom
1.  Air dry 
2.  Salt bath (dilute salt solution) for 20mins to half hour at a time
3.  Spread a few drops of expressed milk onto the bleeding area]

Small Boy as a newborn latched onto me for an hour immediately after birth.  I joke with the Husband that his latching lasted half as long as his 2 hour labour.  He latched well, too well, in fact.  Every time I carried him, he would root his way to my boob.  Drank until his little stomach was round as a barrel.  Then proceed to puke mouthfuls of milk out, like a Merlion.  Every. Single. Feed.
I gave in at the 6 week mark and stuck a pacifier into his seeking mouth.

Channeling these 2 strong-willed forces of nature to grow into literate, numerate men with EQ, is my life's work for the next 18 years.

I pray for them before they were born, and now over them every night "O Lord, help me grow them into wise and compassionate men, men after your own Heart."  ...... with the Husband in mind as the human model when I prayed.

my One Wild and Precious Life

I love reading.  I love reading physical books.  No Kindles or touchscreen books for me.
Poetry or prose, I love reading words.

Words contain ideas.  Ideas in the mind of the correct person, the Activators that Tom Rath refers to in his Strength Finders book, create real change in the physical world.

I am re-reading "Tuesdays with Morrie".  It is a technical guidebook for life, disguised as a memoir, with the breezy tone of a novel. 

Today I am in the office receiving knowledge transfer sessions for my new job.  Mary Oliver's "The Summer Day" is in my mind... To pay attention is a form of prayer.

The Summer Day

Mary Oliver

Who made the world?
Who made the swan, and the black bear?
Who made the grasshopper?
This grasshopper, I mean-
the one who has flung herself out of the grass,
the one who is eating sugar out of my hand,
who is moving her jaws back and forth instead of up and down-
who is gazing around with her enormous and complicated eyes.
Now she lifts her pale forearms and thoroughly washes her face.
Now she snaps her wings open, and floats away.
I don't know exactly what a prayer is.
I do know how to pay attention, how to fall down
into the grass, how to kneel down in the grass,
how to be idle and blessed, how to stroll through the fields,
which is what I have been doing all day.
Tell me, what else should I have done?
Doesn't everything die at last, and too soon?
Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?

For my friends with daughters

I was introduced to spoken word poetry here.
B by Sarah Kay 
While she spoke, I remember these deep in my soul.
I am the little girl with small hands and big eyes, whose mother is a worrier, and whose father is a warrior.
I am the teenager who sassed my parents, whose mother wanted to paint the solar system on the back of my hands.  The daughter who put her nose up into the air, and the mother who said 'I know that trick, I have done that before'.
Rain boots and chocolate do solve everything.
The sense of wonder of looking through a microscope at the galaxy within.  
Stepping out of a phone booth wanting to fly, and someone is stepping on my cape.
.... and on a scale of 1 to over trusting, I AM pretty damn naive....
... and yes, you really ought to meet MY mother, the woman who raised me.

She is a woman with 内涵.  This Mandarin phrase ... how to translate this... this phrase refers to a woman with character, who is educated enough to counsel you and gentle enough to comfort you, whom you will like to sit down, have a cup of tea with and pick her mind, who is a friend always on your side.

Words shift the way we look at the world, individually and collectively.  Once a world view is shifted, mindsets are changed, what I previously thought impossible is now possible.... ah the energy comes to make the world a better and more peaceful place.

"I believe in 6 impossible things before breakfast" - Mad Hatter, "Alice in Wonderland", Lewis Carroll.

Thanks to Sarah Kay, whenever I experience a mental block, the 10 things I know to be true technique gets me out of the block.  Every single time.  You go, sista!

5 Christmas carols

The lights and sounds of Christmas are truly upon us.  The Husband and I have brought the boys out to Orchard Road to see the Christmas light-up.  Christmas carols provide the backdrop to the annual spending.... My extended family throws a party every year at Grandma's house, 1st aunt is the primary cook and the rest of us contribute entrees, mains and deserts.  I have not decided what we will contribute this year yet.... Time for some net surfing :)

These Christmas carols are my current top 5 favourites

• O come O come Emmanuel.  This is the song that opens Christmas mass each year.  The Christmas mystery: why did He come as a baby when He could have been a king of power, glory and might?
• Silent Night.  I remember reading or hearing a story once that during World War 1, the Germans and British, by mutual consent out of a common humanity, laid down arms on Christmas.  Out of the darkness, one lone voice started singing "Silent Night" and the other side responded in their own language.  What a beautiful story! 
• O Holy Night.  I sang in a choir during my undergraduate days.  The choir master implored us to round our vowels when we came to the line "Fall on your knees....", an exhortation rather than a command to fall on the knees.
• Joy to the World.... The Lord is Come.  Every heart has reason to hope. 
• Feliz Navadez.  Simply because the tune is catchy and I do wish you a Merry Christmas!

Leading vs Managing

I was lying in bed trying to rest but my overactive mind is still racing......

A work mentor once told me "Power used against you is called politics; power used for you is called networking.  Be clear which way the powerful winds blow."

My current work team is geographically dispersed, 2 of us in Asia Pacific, 1 in USA and the rest are scattered around Europe.  One of the reasons for changing roles within the Company is to have fewer night calls... my current work scope is global; the new work scope is regional.  At least.... in this Company, I may have a conversation with my boss when she asks me to join a call outside work hours.  Imagine that I have it written in my individual development plan under the authenticity > resilience area to limit my evening calls to 2 a week, or 10 a month. 

My American teammate has bent over backwards to accommodate my request to start team calls at 830pm Singapore time (630am for him in Houston) instead of 930pm.  B, I truly appreciate you, do you know that? *hugs* The other Americans that I have worked with, like to start calls at 930pm, 10pm, 11pm.... I am incoherent at that time after having worked in the day.

I love my work teammates. 

A LOT of that love is the leadership that my ex boss J provided.  And his ex boss H.  Together J and H gave us space to deliver what we had to..... recognising that the amount of work is always more than the time available to do the work.  Now that J has not been my boss for 4 months, and H for nearly a year, the distance of time enables me to see why the team pulled together to deliver the project on 1 Apr, and stabilise it up to end Jul.  This is my take, 4 months down the road, on why my current team is the best team I have ever worked in.... J and H were true leaders, not just managers.

Trust
For J and H, their word is their bond.  When J says he will do it, he will.  When I think of J and H, honesty, integrity, respect come to mind. Because of these personal attributes - honesty, trust, respect - I will always want to spend time with them and around them in the workplace.
I see their behaviours over time.... J stood up for me to H and H's boss, recommended me to lead a continuous improvement project, guided me when I was spitting fire over T's slowness to understand an issue, and then slowness to resolve the issue.... I know I can depend on him.  J's key to building trust is to be authentic, even to the point of being vulnerable and letting us see his flaws.  He used to joke about his lack of admininstrative and advertising skills.
In one face to face meeting, I walked alongside H and asked her 'How do you balance your work and your life?  As a leader of leaders, and as a woman'.  Because I trusted her enought to give me a balanced answer.

Compassion
Great bosses care.  They show genuine compassion, care for their team as a person, not just another cog in the great scheme of things.  J started each week's one-on-one catch up session with me with "How are you?" and he cared about the answer.  When Medium Boy and Small Boy were down with coughs/colds, he knew.  When the Husband needed to be hospitalised and was then jobless, he knew.  When I told him I might need surgery, he knew.  He knew because he asked, and I answered because he offered a friendly ear.  He was the same to all of us.  One teammate (also J, let's call her JE) was in the midst of a marriage breakup early 2010.  J knew about JE's pain, but he never breathed a word to anyone else. 
Every time I talked to H, she exhibited both caring and positive energy.  She might not know the extent of details of my life as J did... however whatever I consulted her about work, she took in, reflected it back to me, and coached me on possible next steps.

Stability
The Company is financially stable.  I have every confidence that my paycheck will come in on time.... the basic need of every employee.  If even this is not fulfilled, why, I might as well set up my own business and take on the vagaries of the economic marketplace.  J as my boss was the one who offered me security, strength, support in terms of what our team goals were.  I know that his core values are stable, and that whatever changes he asks the team to make is necessary ("Define the burning platform = the case for change").  J kept us in the loop on what is expected, and helps me see how what I do impacts the Company's key metrics of process reliability.

Hope
The work team experienced a Dilbert (what the heck is happening?) moment when another person (AL) was inserted at the level above H's boss A.  AL commissioned an external study to test how the team engaged with stakeholders, received some feedback and promptly reorgnised the entire team within the first 2 months of his appointment.  In the midst of this organisational churn, J reassured us by sharing his personal impressions that AL was a leader that knows how the political winds blow, and this shakeup gives the entire team more credibility.  It was interesting really.... how J provided stability for the moment, and hope for the future.

J and H have developed me to the extent, that I am now developing others in the service centres.  They seem to intuitively understand that the only way to lead in perpetuity is to create a network of strong leaders that begins to grow on its own.... sometimes with tiny steps, but still growing....

And THAT is the difference between my previous manager-bosses and J/H, true leader-bosses. 

Sick

When the boys are not well, my sleep is interrupted.  Immunity for everyone goes down, and I am prone to any bug that floats around.  This is one of those times, plus work commitments and volunteer activities picking up.  Stretched to the max.

I need to drop the volunteer activity as soon as I find another willing and able volunteer.  It is an activity that I feel weakened when doing.  Have to force myself to finish the task on hand.

Education Arms Race - not for my boys!

This is what a typical Primary 1 student knows in Singapore at 6 years old before she enters the formal education system.  I gleaned this list from talking to parents with kids 2-3 years older than Medium Boy.

- Recognises, spells and reads phonetically English words.  Be able to finish a storybook by himself.
- Recognises, writes and reads at least 20 Chinese characters.... and I am being charitable when I say 20.  My alma mater would probably require the child to know 200 Chinese characters.
- Addition and subtraction up to 20 is passe.  Multiplication up to the 10 times tables is good.

How to preserve Medium Boy's self esteem in this competitive arena?  First I refuse to be drawn into the P1 arms race to the bottom by choosing the correct school for him.  Next I will further his strong moments in science and spatial intelligence.  He listens well (his auditory sense is like mine!  Mr Bach will appeal to his sense of order... Small Boy hmmm... more of a Beethoven at the moment) and needs a tangible result at the end of his learning process.  Use his strengths in concentrating at his passion..... I still have the video of him at 7 months turning an orchid flower in his tiny hand for 20 minutes.... He is more than capable of focus when he loves the subject matter.  Educate him on cars, wind and the weather.   Those are HIS strong moments.

As a parent, it is heartbreaking for me that the education arms race starts before the time a 6 year old enters formal education.  Singapore is such a competitive society that our preschoolers have become trophies and bragging rights.  Childhood cannot and should not be a race.  I would like for the boys to learn their passions, and retain their love of learning, all through to adulthood.

I take a deep breath..... and I remind myself of the wisdom here.  Hey Medium Boy sat through a (very) short burst of Chinese reading today!  Victory :)

Keep Children in school till 7pm

Consciously deciding whether to have children, and if so, how many, is an inherently personal decision highly sensitive to quality-of-life issues.  Bringing a child into this world is a long term commitment of time, energy and money..... I see more of my peers deciding not to have children simply because they perceive themselves as being unable to commit the time or energy or money to children.  Responsible or irresponsible?  How will this play out in the future for Singapore as a society? 

The game theory concept of the prisoners' dilemma may be applied to this situation.  For the individual, it is a conscious utility-maximising (short term of course, but as the famous 1930s American economist Keynes states "we are all dead in the long run", so who cares about the long term.....) NOT to have children.  Even though the collective effect of all these individual decisions result in an ageing society with fewer people in the 'economically active' age group of 21-55.

Time to rethink what Singapore, and Singaporeans, perceives our prized human capital to be. 

Having children cannot and must not be a pure economic decision..... Values have a big part to contribute to raising Singapore's Total Fertility Rate, currently standing at a dismal 1.2.  I have children because of my personal belief that they bring purpose and meaning to my life.  In no other human relationship does one have complete and utter responsibility for another human being, love etched into the heart, love occupying my waking hours.  Work Life Balance eludes me... and then I am strangely encouraged when even a senior member of the American goverment admits that she cannot have it all.

The headline on Page 3 of the Straits Times "Keep kids in school till 7pm so mums can go to work?" is, in my opinion, delibrately provocative.  I am certain there will be a flurry of letters to the Forum page from working moms as well as stay-at-home moms tomorrow and for days after, so I shall not add to the deluge.  I shall watch this space to see how this part of our national conversation plays out in the media.

"My finger jump up and down, Mama"

I brought Medium Boy and Small Boy to the annual SSO Babies Prom yesterday.  This is the third year that they have gone for the program.  The good thing about Babies Prom is that babies, toddlers and preschoolers are the target audience.  Making noise is not only allowed, it is downright encouraged :)  Such a boon to me, not having to shush 2 active little boys….

There is a segment every year where the ushers choose 3 or 4 young ones to go up and conduct the orchestra.  Young ‘un #3 was a boy about Medium Boy’s height.  He made the orchestra play presto (very very very fast) as he waved the conductor’s baton up and down.  The entire hall burst into laughter and applause as he finished.  The violinists and viola-ists applauded him too…. They waved their bows against the music stands and tapped their feet.  Such fun!

Last night as I was putting both boys to sleep, I spoke to them about the concert.  What was your favourite part, I asked.  Small Boy thought a while, then confidently replied ‘I like my finger jump up and down, Mama….’  Dear reader, are you able to guess what he was referring to?

It took me, slow and sleepy Mama, a few moments to decipher what Small Boy was talking about.

How he has grown

I realise with a start this morning that Medium Boy is tall enough to reach my waist.  I have a photograph of him at 5 months old on my office desk.  His eyes and his expression are exactly the same, especially when he hugs my legs when I return from work and looks up into my eyes.  Friends and relatives say his eyes are like mine.  (So are Small Boy's eyes, but this post is about Medium Boy :) )

He flipped over at 5 months old, crawled at 9 months old, and started to walk at 13 months.  Suddenly he was not where I had put him down.  That was when I felt a pang in my heart for his newborn days.
Then he went to school and took his first steps away from me, away from home...  And the pang in my heart became a throb.

Now he is 4 years (and a few months) old.  Where has my baby gone to?  In his place is a little boy with his own preferences, opinions and ideas.

Primary One, turning into THAT mom

I never wanted to be THAT mom.  You know which one..... that one who hovers around teachers asking for more worksheets, more homework and keeping tabs on how her child is doing academically.  Every class has at least one of them.

Last Saturday I sat down with Medium Boy’s English and Chinese teachers to understand where he is at.  In Nursery 1, the focus was on building self dependency skills.  Medium Boy is a naturally efficient (means he looks for the easiest way to do things, plus he has mastered the art of outsourcing) little boy.  Last year (he was 3 years old), he enlisted the help of another little boy JY to help each other to take off their clothes – yes both the buttoned shirt top and pants - before the teachers showered them.  JY is a mild mannered and non-competitive little boy, same temperament as Medium Boy, so they were happily undressing each other every day.  I had a good laugh when Teacher told me that during the parent teacher meeting last year…. There were no laughs this year……

The focus in N2 [Nursery 2] is on attaining basic literacy and numeracy to prepare for Primary School.  His teachers also feed back that he has a perfectionist streak, needs to see tangible results (he concentrates for 10+minutes at craft classes), and his attention wavers during language lessons.  Most likely due to his word / character recognition skills.  I am reasonably certain he secretly minds very much that his language is not as good as his peers.

Literacy
In N1, Medium Boy was ahead of his classmates.  I had left the Leapfrog alphabet toy on the fridge for him to play with, and he was able to recognize all 26 letters by age 2.  I thought ‘phew!’ and that was the end of my efforts to encourage literacy.  This year has been a harrowing year physically and emotionally, hence I did not read to him consistently.
On Saturday I learnt that most of his classmates are able to write each letter of the alphabet, write letters together to form simple words (I think that means words with a maximum of 7 letters), and be able to phonetically sound each letter to put together the sound of the whole word.  Medium Boy cannot do all this…. 
His Chinese character recognition is equally dismal.  The Chinese character for me/I 我 appears on every single Chinese reader that he has brought home.... His Chinese teacher had tried giving him one on one lessons which he reluctantly listened to and promptly forgets all about...  Medium Boy is a perfectionist and he hates to lose face in front of teacher... if he is not 100% confident in answering, he clams up and/or changes the topic.

Numeracy
I taught Medium Boy his numbers and he was again able to recognize the 10 numerals and rote count up to 20.  I toss him a problem sum like “Mama has 5 fans, you have 2 fans, how many fans do we have altogether” to test his grasp of addition, and “The coconut tree has 5 coconuts.  2 birds flew in and took away 3 coconuts.  How many coconuts are left on the tree now?” to test his subtraction concept.  His addition and subtraction is fine up to the number 5.  I am not too sure about his grasp up to the number 10, as he tends to giggle and run away once I get beyond 5.  I also taught him how to negotiate with me for one more song, one more story and one more youtube fan video.  In this way, he learnt that 4 is a bigger than 3, and 3 is a bigger number than 2.  His teachers confirm that his numeracy is good for his age.

Social
Medium Boy’s social skills continue to be excellent.  He is slow to warm up (typical introvert, like me).  However, once he is comfortable with a person, he will chatter non stop.  Teacher K told me that he leads his friends in conversation at the dining table, and steers the conversation towards fans and motors.  A very sociable and chatty boy is my Medium Boy, when the topic of fans comes up.

What I will do now to increase his literacy

·         Read to him every day one book for 5 minutes.  Heck, I will even read fan brochures if he wants to.

·         Write one word every day on a single lined A4 paper.  I will let him choose the word.  I suspect his first word will be fan, motor, propeller, engine and other fan related words.  I will refrain from internal eye rolling and be glad he is writing.

·         Enrol him into Berries for Chinese language classes.

Ok, I am calmer today.  It has been 4 days of internal hand wringing, regrouping and coming up with tangible mitigating actions as I grapple with the fact that Primary One 7 year old kids in Singapore go to school knowing hanyu pinyin [anglicized phonetics] for Chinese, reading a simple book in English and knowing how to add up to figures in the hundreds …. I do not want to google what is the numeracy requirement for P1, it would freak me out again, I am sure….
He is changing schools to a Montessori based one next year.  I hope, I pray that the Montessori approach with its value of starting the learning journey for each individual will do Medium Boy good, and that he will settle in soon with his new classmates.

Oh gosh, I am turning into THAT mom.

Fashion frivolity

I do not normally think of myself as vain, but I bookmarked this youtube video for reference.  The music plus post-production editing makes this an easy video to watch... plus I never knew what to do with scarves around my neck.  My neck is used to the tropics and even the slight wind chill at 16 degrees C in London is too much for me.  I HAD to find a way to keep my neck warm.  Arranged the piece of cloth around my neck in the Modern One Loop for 2 days during my June trip to London. 
I was bored with tying the scarf the same way on the third morning and asked my German teammate A (or maybe it was J) to help this clueless Singapore tie the scarf.  Wish I had seen this video before my London trip....  ah but now I have 24 more ways to wear a scarf.

Presenting....... *drum roll please* 25 ways to wear a scarf in 4.5minutes
by Wendy Cheng

Seats on the MRT

Singapore is a crowded place.  The latest statistics I remember are 5 million people living on an island of approximately 700 square kilometers.  I cruised through traffic lights today while driving Small Boy to Aunt’s place, and Medium Boy to school.   I wondered why until I looked at the time.  Ah, it was 7.57am when I set off.  The ERP gantries along the route I take switch to a higher costs (and more money off motorists’ pockets) from 8am onwards. 

The lack of the usual jostle for space on the roads this morning started me thinking about a satirical piece on getting a seat on our public train system the MRT.  A simple Google search for ‘get MRT seat’ pointed to this column.  Yes my memory serves me right.  Indeed a Daily Mail columnist posted a tongue in cheek guide to getting a seat on the London Tube in Oct 2011, and that column found its way into Singapore internet forums rapidly.

In my late teens, getting an MRT seat was a game to me.   I did have a set of rules similar to what the columnist laid out, like standing in the “fertile valley” with a 360 degree overview, and picking out school children who were due to alight…. that required some knowledge of where their schools are.  White on white uniforms always threw me off, as there are many boys’ schools in Singapore that boys wear white on white.  I also avoided the reserved seats as sitting on them meant that I would have to keep a look out for the elderly, young, pregnant and disabled.  Hey it was just a game then….

And then I became pregnant for the first time.  During my first and second trimesters, I took the bus and MRT to work, as the Husband and I were waiting for COE car prices to drop to a reasonable level before we shell out money for a liability (yes that is what a car really is financially).  I noticed a strange phenomenon.  Most of the time, it was NOT the well dressed office workers, who presumably would be more educated, that gave up seats to me.  Instead the schoolchildren, the middle aged uncles and aunties, and sometimes even the white-haired elderly leapt out of their seats to offer them to me.  The well dressed office workers dozed off when I approached.   Well, let’s draw our own conclusions on this interesting phenomenon, and of course one person’s experience is not definitive or conclusive of anything……

Strong Moments

Most people would have encounted the phrase 'win-win' negotiations where both parties are supposed to walk away good with the outcomes they have negotiated for themselves.  When I look at Medium Boy and Small Boy, I waver sometimes in my decision not to send them to my alma mater primary school.    Is it possible that they are the skilful minority who are able to excel academically and grow up with values of community service, care for self and others, and generally being a good neighbour?  I do not know.  The debate continues in my mind.

I recall Jack Goodwin, a Texan cowboy with a doctorate in business, and my teacher in the courses "Customer Service" and "Managing... (something or other)", booming from the front of the lecture hall.... "Re-MEM-ber the power of AND, and the tyranny of OR!"

Oh Jack, we all have 24 hours in a day.  In every single aspect of life (family, health, work, community), I need to model to the boys how to live strong and live fully.  Weak moments, how matter how good my performance the external world judges it to be, ultimately weaken me... they are the things that I feel energy draining from me when I am doing them.....

My strong moments occur when

• I figure something out
• I spend time by myself reading, writing or preparing my mind
• a fresh insight dawns on me
• I have an in-depth conversation with someone
• I have a chance to show my expertise.
• I discover the few critical improvements that make the difference
• someone calls me out of the blue and relies on my opinion
• I clarify a complex issue for someone, she acts on what I tell her, and I see her succeed
• I land on a distinction that reveals an elemental truth about the world
• I am asked to be an expert witness.

I will continue to observe Medium Boy and Small Boy to find out what their strong moments are.

Observations on Medium Boy's strong moments here
To be continued...

Medium Boy is still a small boy

Medium Boy is at the age where he talks. A lot. He uses reason and logic to catch the times I am inconsistent. He is a good teacher to cultivate my integrity and patience.

I caved in on Sunday evening and bought him the stroller fan from NTUC supermarket because he was persistent.  Times like this, I wish the Husband were around to buffer me.  He is away on a weeklong business trip.

Medium Boy is seldom vulnerable now in the day. He can do things by himself thank you very much Mama. 2 incidents happened recently to remind me how young he still is ….  I think of him mostly as a big boy now because he is big brother to Small Boy.

As I was putting him to bed Monday night, he asked me “Mama, pls will you sayang (love) me?” with a plaintive note in his voice.   He had been quiet for ~5 minutes as I was tending to Small Boy before the plea for attention.  I looked into his eyes, and remember when I first held him in my arms after birthing…. How I will love him all the way to the moon, and back.  Then I gave him a long hug with our arms entwined around each other, kissed him on the forehead and made soothing noises.

This morning, Medium Boy was playing with his new NTUC-bought fan.  It was the usual morning rush to get both boys ready.  Out of the blue, he asked me “Mama, am I a winner or loser?”  I replied “You are a winner, of course.  See you are dressed and didi is not….”  He turned back to the fan and said…. “But Mama, A (his classmate) said I am a loser during the concert” [Medium Boy’s N2 class performed for the school K2 graduation concert last Saturday]

I stopped what I was doing, walked to him, hugged him, then told him “Medium Boy, you will always be Mama’s winner.  You are good at many things, and you are a loving brother.  Ignore A.  Tell me if he says anything that makes you sad or angry inside again.”

A had called Medium Boy a name before.  Medium Boy is the sort to brood, and think quiet thoughts by himself.  I am now debating if (and how) I should bring this incident up to his school teachers….   What do I expect them to do anyway?  Nothing, is my honest answer.  I just need advice on how they will handle such a situation if it were their own child, and also their professional insight on how to manage such quarrels between 2 children.  After all, Medium Boy and Small Boy are likely to trade heated words sometime when they are growing up.

Monday Reboot

Small Boy woke this Monday morning when the sunlight came in.  He was awake at 645am.  The sun tends to rise early these days... hmm... the sky is usually dark by 7pm.  There are indeed seasons in Singapore, but one needs to be very observant to notice the slight differences of time passing.

Medium Boy woke at 730am.  Drank his chocolate milk that Popo bought for him on Saturday.

I am back at home by 835am after chauffeur duties.  It is a good start to the week.....

Sun Salutations

This morning, I needed a boost of energy to start the day.  I remember reading from either Style or Shape or Female about yoga sun salutations ~10 years ago.  Even stuck the page up with Blu Tack onto my cupboard so that I did 8 sets every morning.  The Sun Salutations are a series of 12 poses that build strength and flexibility.
Googled and this is the best animation.  The basic steps in pictorial form is here.
I completed 4 sets this morning, and find myself out of breath.   This exercise is not as easy as the animation makes it look!

Handling the boys alone for an evening plus the demands of the job meant a very physically exhausted and cranky me... which led to Medusa Mom moments with both Medium Boy and Small Boy last evening and this morning.  Sigh.  I really need to sleep more, eat well and exercise.  To last the distance, as my virtual colleague M from Austria has been reminding me for the past week.  He said that one rushed soul recognises another..... I am not sure if I am happy that he cares, or perturbed that he is able to pick up my hectic life even from the next continent.

Time for my breakfast of cheest on toast after exercising.  As Stephen Covey says in Habit 7 Sharpen the Saw, I need to stop and take a breath, and work on my physical, mental, emotional and spiritual aspect of life.

Mr Bach

I appreciate music and prose that is orderly.  Mr Bach (I call him that in my mind as if he is my favourite uncle) wrote music that comprise of variations on a theme.  Using a 4 note base, he is able to craft a concise elegant piece that may be played backwards, forwards, upside down... and all of that makes for good music that is easy on the ear.  His technical expertise wows.

I remember starting with Bach’s The Well Tempered Clavier Prelude in C Major (youtube video here) when I was 8 or 9 years old, and working my way through the 48 pieces.  Simply because I loved his music… and I enjoyed making music together with Mr Bach.

Bach's fugues and preludes typically span 4-7 minutes when played.  They are akin to appetizers presented with elegance and depth, and what depth they provide when I start to pull them apart to discover the rules behind.  Listening to Bach music is pleasant... they are not the airy and frothy confections of Mozart desserts.  I love desserts, but eating too many desserts make me sick in the stomach.  Bach’s tapas suit me just fine.

In Bach’s world, music is like mathematics.  There are rules around harmonics (segueing between different sounds) that he adheres to, and then adds his own seemingly exhaustive variations on the rules such that each prelude and fugue is a beautiful bonsai (miniature Japanese garden).  Perhaps I like Mr Bach because I like the simplicity of mathematical building blocks.  Everything may be derived from first principles and that is perfect for me… I do not have to memorise much!  I am lazy that way…

Watching the Piano Guys perform gave me a new reason to exercise my fingers on the keyboard again.    

I am teaching Medium Boy and Small Boy how to recognize the keys on the piano, so that should give me more reason to pick up piano playing again.  Their most requested song is currently “Happy Birthday” J

I shudder at becoming a MIL

Sometimes the most unexpected posts turn up from the most unexpected people in facebook.

This was posted by someone whom I know to be a staunch Buddhist believer.  Out of curiosity, and partly because of the URL, I clicked onto the link, and found myself nodding in agreement. 

The time will come when Medium Boy and Small Boy choose their spouses.  Together with choosing a job (how to spend their time), this is probably the most important other life decision (who to spend their time with) that they will make at some point.

When I realise I will not have daughters (see previous post), I shuddered at the thought of one day becoming the dreaded woman - the Mother In Law.

The One Currency that We Spend

This is one of my philosophical days…. It is difficult to find time to think my own thoughts nowadays.  My work teammate L asked how I did it all, a full time job with telecons at out of office hours, managing a household with 2 children (yes I have a domestic live in helper like most Singaporeans do, but having full time live in help is like managing staff.  and in some ways, more important than at work, as she is with helping me to grow Medium Boy and Small Boy into responsible men) and wow now I blog too.
I told her - a bit flippantly, I must admit – that I sleep very little and eat very fast.
Time is in short supply right now.  Once spent, time is the one currency that cannot be earned, saved or invested.... it has just flown off.  I aim to fill each minute with 60 seconds worth of distance run (adapted from Kipling's "If").

Before children, I have the luxury of 9 hours of continuous sleep at night on weeknights, with an hour or 2 spent napping on Saturdays and Sundays.  The Husband used to shake his head and say I am sleeping my life away.  After Medium Boy’s birth, my sleep was broken up into silvers.  I learnt that one can survive on 4-5 hours of sleep during a 24 hour period.  Survive, not thrive.  Now I sleep 6-7 hours and they are not often continuous, although these 6-7 hours are all at night now that the boys are older.

When deciding to go for a lateral move at work, one of my considerations was how much time I would need to spend at work, such that I have brain space for the Husband and the boys.  I put aside the chance of a promotion to concentrate on my family.  Some part of me (the exam smart, achievement-oriented, type A remnants of me) thinks it is a stupid move.  I felt especially stupid after the HR email was distributed, stating that there is a staff shortage at the level I would have been promoted to, and line supervisors – of course! – prefer to recruit someone into their team from the internal pool. 
An external candidate needs to learn quickly in 3 areas: the Company, the Business Unit or Function, then the Job one is recruited to do.  Internal candidates shortcut the learning curve because we already know the Company and sometimes the Business Unit or Function.

Why Birds do not have Teeth

Medium Boy, Small Boy and I crowd around the sink every night to complete our teeth brushing routine.

From my growing up snippets, I recorded the following on 16 Jan 2012.

MB: Birds do not have teeth, Mama!
Me: Yes dear, why do you think that is so?
MB: Maybe they did not brush their teeth, so all fell out....

Passion in Action

I have a soft spot for music played well.  This youtube video has the added bonus of music played passionately.  Enjoy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xtr4I6wy8jQ
Piano Guys - Love Story meets Viva la Vida

You are not fair, I am not fair

The Husband and I picked up Small Boy from Aunt's place Wednesday evening.  This is the second stop of the evening after we had driven from Medium Boy's school.

The Husband or I usually pack a snack for Medium Boy from school.  If Small Boy is able to eat the snack (he is still allergic to nuts), we ask MB to wait for 10mins to share with his didi as we go on our way to Aunt's place.  Usually MB is happy to oblige.  He is a very loving and generous korkor.

On Wednesday, MB shared his snack with SB, then prattled on as he usually does. 

MB: We need to be fair ok.  You take that box and I take this one.  (Pause) If you are not fair and I am not fair, we will go to the corner room* (Pause while the Husband and I are struggling to contain our laughter)  But it is ok.  We will be together and we can play together. *awwww*

SB: (ignores his brother, concentrates on the snack and chomps away)

* The corner room is the smallest bedroom in our apartment that is now the boys' play room.  When either or both of them misbehave, we send them to the corner room to think.

I find it hilarious that when the boys are together, MB issues almost continuous comments at SB, and SB ignores him!!  They are cute at this age.

Kind Regards

Yesterday I was in a Kind Regards mode when I gatecrashed the call with C's team to talk about the mini project that I am coordinating.  To understand what is a Kind Regards mode, I need to explain how I open and end my emails.

In normal everymode, I start with Hello or Hi, and end with Best rgds.
When talking to my teammates, A, B, J, L and R and my ex boss J,  I sometimes dispense with the opening salutations and end with Cheers.  As we know each other very well and had been through a very trying time together in early 2012.
When I am annoyed with someone, and I still need to keep the tone civil [the Company is a very civil company.  Even when people disagree, as we all do at work sometimes, there are no vulgarities or profanity or references to anyone's mother on emails.  People state positions, and we figure out a way to collaborate and get things done.  End of story], then I end with Kind Regards.  Spelled out in full.

The other coordinator in C's team T (Hungarian 30 something male) is normally a quiet and amusing person.  In this particular instance, he stepped on my toes by his continued silence on how his work overlaps with mine ... he does not see that our work overlaps so he does not keep me or my boss E informed.  At all.  And then boom, last Thursday, he comes up with a deliverable that threatens to derail my/E's part of the project.  Via email of all the communication medium... and he did not even have the courtesy to call me first to give a heads up.  Just shot an email to me asking for my agreement that he should proceed. 

I joined C's call yesterday and I did something that I rarely do at work.  While T talked, I talked over him.  In the Asian culture, it is VERY rude to talk over someone.  You have to wait for someone to finish talking first, then start.  But T is European so he did not know that I was being very rude.  Hey, he talks over me too, so fair is fair.

When I emailed C's team after the call to write notes on what I had presented and who is to do what next steps, I was so annoyed that I dispensed entirely with opening and closing salutations.   If I could bullet point my 2 pithy sentences, I would have.  That was how annoyed I was.

J pinged me on communicater later to check how I was.  I am ok actually, just that I needed to drive home the point to both C and T that if T continues with his silence and sudden requests, he jeopardises my/E's deliverable.

A Future Ready Child

This post is about fulfilling Medium Boy's and Small Boy's human potential.  Not just academic potential, which has been the main (and often ONLY) point in the local newspapers The Straits Times in the whole furore on tweaking the PSLE *

I work in a global company which leaves its energy footprint over the 7 continents (except for maybe Antarctica).  When I look around and see how success is defined, it is not by sheer intellectual horsepower.  Yes, the proof of brains (the degree) gets you through the door to be interviewed, but after that, success is defined by the ability to look beyond in 2 dimensions – (1) space… looking beyond the current functional or business area, and (2) time… looking beyond now into the future.  This is the Company which coined the term “helicopter vision” and uses “scenario planning” to plot the future environment it foresees itself operating in.  Success is also how to build a shared vision, and bringing in the relationships (EQ = emotional quotient) aspect, how to motivate others to believe and act on your shared vision.

Academic success and life success
I am a true product of the Singaporean education system.  The first thing that I do when I enter the examination hall for a qualitative essay type subject like General Paper, Economics, Literature and Geography is to read the questions from top to bottom.   I take a slightly different approach for quantitative subjects like Mathematics but rest assured that I would have pored over the syllabus to determine the boundaries of what the syllabus determines I need to know. I do not waste time studying out of syllabus.  There is simply no time.
This type of exam smart training enables me to size up situations and parameters quickly, but only in a structured environment.  Life however is not always structured.

The Husband on the other hand was schooled in Malaysia. His childhood was spent outdoors (camping, swimming in waterfalls, catching grasshoppers for sale), entrepreneurship (buying stickers from the wet market, and selling them to his classmates for a 200% margin), helping his mom with housework and games.  School was a place to socialize and earn money from his peers.  The Husband is street smart, and quick thinking on his feet, compared to exam-smart me. 

There is a place for academic success.  But unless you want to spend your life in academia, the degrees and postgrad degrees.. all these only build the foundations, the theories and concepts, for living.  Life is inherently messy.

The boys need time to grow in EQ and SQ (Social Quotient).  Time to play, explore and yes, devise ways to hustle, to make a living from their passions.  People who care about the community that we all live in.  To grow into men I am proud to call my sons.

To be all that, they need time to discover and then develop proficiency in their passions.

Hence I am not sending Medium Boy and Small Boy to my alma mater, where they will most likely spend way too much time on homework, and how to ace exams.  Instead they are going to a holistic school in the eastern part of Singapore, because I want a childhood for them, and lifelong friends who spend time on the soccer field (or other sports) and in community service. 


* PSLE = Primary School Leaving Examinations.  All 12 year olds in Singapore, including the tiny minority who are home-schooled, have to take the PSLE.

Small Boy and Mama's stockings

Small Boy ran his hand up and down my leg, saying 'tickle tickle mama' cheekily, to feel the rasp of my stockings as I put on his shoes for him this morning.  Then he put his hands on my arm to test if I am wearing stockings on my arms too....  He looked surprised to find my arm bare.

:) Silly Small Boy. 

No matter how I wish both boys would wake up later sometimes (ok, most mornings!), they bring much joy and laughter to the Husband and myself.  We are very blessed.

The Strength of a Tigress

I remember reading this story in a natural birthing book when I was at Dr Lai Fon Min's clinic.

A mom has a special needs child, Sean.  Sean turned 16 years old and he passed a very important academic exam at the end of the year.  She spent one week in bed, completely worn out and exhausted, crying most of the time.  When her friend asked her out of concern how she is, she replied "Sean is finally where he ought to be.  I am just recovering now."  Such is the strength of a mother.

A mother is born at the same moment when the baby is born.  I understand now why Amy Chua titled her book "Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother" for I find within myself the strength of the tiger when my boys are at risk.

Which applies equally to a wife.  I do not have the luxury of staying in bed for a week though.  The Husband started work this week and is finally where he ought to be. 

*Exhale BIG breath out*

Dear and darling

Out with Medium Boy and Small Boy for lunch yesterday. Medium Boy was looking out for fans as usual and I pointed one out to him 'Look darling, here is one....'

With a snooty air worthy of a Parisien waiter, he looked down his nose at me, all 1 metre of him, and replied loftily 'You can call me dear.'

LOL!

T-shirt and Fans

I woke up next to Small Boy.... or rather, his legs were going bang bang bang on the bed.  I was awakened by that sound.  He looked at me smilingly, pointed to my shirt and asked 'Why you wear Papa's shirt?'

The Husband and I walked to church last evening after dinner to give thanks.  Coincidentally he received news on Tue morning that he was successful in his 2nd round interview, and that same evening, C called me to tell me that I am the chosen candidate for the job.  The ILs were asleep in the room where I keep my t-shirts when we eventually returned home, hence I pulled on one of the Husband's tees to wear.
Small Boy is observant.

Medium Boy is observant too when it comes to his beloved fans.  Ah Kung (FIL) had picked up a microwave that someone threw away to repair.  As with most electrical applicances, there IS a fan inside.  Medium Boy spent some time outside with Ah Kung to discuss electric circuits, positioning of the fan (why is it behind and not in front? he asked), count the number of fan blades and other esoteric matters about fans that only a true fan lover is concerned about.  To me, a fan is a device to circulate air in the room....  It is good that Medium Boy has Ah Kung to discuss all these science/engineering matters with.  Neither the Husband nor I are thus inclined.

2 reactions to Husband's prank

The Husband was feeling a bit mischievous last evening.  First he stood in front of Medium Boy as he watched Jake and the Neverland Pirates.  Medium Boy tried to stick his head around his papa, and yelled 'Papa, you are blocking me!'

Then the Husband did the same to Small Boy.  Small Boy hopped around his papa's bulk and continued watching the program.

Addicted to Personality Typing

YAY!  I have gotten the lateral move to a new part of the Company!  I will be doing some really fancy oil accounting stuff that I have not had the chance to delve into before.  Learning is great.  Not surprising given that "Learner" is #3 on my Strength Finders 2.0

My Top 5 Strengths

1 Connectedness

2 Strategic

3 Learner

4 Responsibility

5 Intellection

 

Belbin's Team Roles (image courtesy of www2.ifm.eng.cam.ac.uk)

 

Myers-Briggs Type Indicator

The MBTI preferences indicate the differences in people based on the following:

How they focus their attention or get their energy (extraversion or introversion)

How they perceive or take in information (sensing or intuition)

How they prefer to make decisions (thinking or feeling)

How they orient themselves to the external world (judgment or perception)

• My energy source is internal.  I need to recharge in my solitude.  Being around people drains my energy.  I carry my own batteries around.  I am an Introvert.
• I see the forest, then focus on individual trees. My iNtuition score is off the scale in every version of this test I have taken so far (and I have done it 3 times, once in uni, twice in the workplace).
• I make decisions based on my Feelings. 
• I tend to withhold judgement and delay important decisions.  Perceiving the world as it is... I have a very flexible sense of time in my personal life,  My professional training and children ground me in the real world.  Otherwise, I would be la-di-da-ing all over the place.

 

 

If there are any Belbin "Plants/Shapers" / MBTI "INFP" / connectedness-strategic-learner-responsibility-intellection people out there who would like to get in contact, please leave a comment.  On the other hand.... maybe talking to my mirror is not such a good idea after all.  BUT I am sure we will still find something to discover about each other :)

"Keep calm and carry on"

I saw this on a coffee mug once upon a time

"Keep calm and carry on"

I used to joke with my friends that we should write coffee mug slogans for a living.  Attempting to distill wit, humour and laughter into a few words.  After all, life is not that serious yes?

What other coffee mug words of wisdom can you think of today??

Of Mice and Men

Each day passes in a blur of action when one has small children, plus a household to manage, plus a full time job outside the house.  I am blessed and lucky because my current position allows me to work from home.  I go into the office once or twice a month to process my expense claims.  The boys go about their daily routine regardless where I work, be it at home or in the office.

Now that this routine is to be interrupted by my own upcoming job change, and the Husband's too, I pray that He will make the path smooth.  I pray that Small Boy and Medium Boy will settle down well in their new Montessori school next year, and that they will nap every afternoon at Aunt's place.  In the hustle and bustle of life, I pray that I will always remember that Small Boy, Medium Boy and the Husband are most important to me, and that I will always put them first.

Some part of me still wants to go for that promotion at work, and I have put in the CV for that particular job when CL called me last Thursday to remind me that Friday is the deadline.  The interview results of my lateral move is out by this Friday.  Que Sera Sera, whatever will be, will be.  This is a nerve wrecking, nail biting time.  Changes changes changes.

My boss E asked me again yesterday about the results of the job applications.  Now that she is to let me go, she feels free to be more herself, more authentic and I see facets of her that my teammate R does not.  The whole process of discovering more of E has been fascinating.  I do not miss my ex boss J so much now.....

2012 has been full of downs.  Putting in 16 hour (and one 20 hour!) work days from March to June.  The long work days left me with precious little energy to care about the foundations of my family.  I had to deal with 2 bouts of serious illnesses in the family during that time too, mine plus the Husband's.  I am taking steps now to put things back on track where they should be.  The rest is up to Him. 

The best laid schemes of mice and men
Go often awry,
And leave us nothing but grief and pain,
For promised joy!
- Robert Burns, 1785, Kilmamock

O Lord, I pray that your Will, not mine, be done in my life.  Help me to be an instrument of your Grace and Wisdom in all aspects of my life.  Free my mind to make it Yours, for truly, I am Yours alone.  I rest in You, remembering that I am first and foremost Your daughter.  Amen.

A well deserved break

Since I still have the luxury of working from home, I am sneaking out in a couple of minutes for a facial!  FY from Vanilla Century Square branch does the normal extraction, and masks... and on top of that, throws in an acupressure massage which has done wonders to clear my clogged pores.  She says I have inner heatiness, which manifests itself as pimples and sebum on my pores.   
I have had acne for the longest time since I was 11 years old.  Started with blackheads on my nose that I used the Kao Biore pore packs on (anyone remembers them?) and when those did not work, I used exfoliating cleansers to scrub my face.  FY's professional opinion of my skin: Dehydrated on the surface and oil clogged within.  Big sigh....

I do not think I am the vainest woman around.... heck, I do not even check my reflection when I pass a mirror.  My work mentor YP has recently taken to wearing makeup at work whilst she did not do so before.  She is 40 this year..... Each woman has her own limits of vanity.  The day where one wakes up and discovers new lines, or new pimples (yikes!) on the face.  Nora Ephron's 2006 book "I feel bad about my neck" is just so aptly titled.... I will check it out from the library when I get around to it.

No wonder that wherever women are, there will be a thriving hair salon / facial / manicure place!

Home Alone

Being home alone for one week is not as fun as I thought it would be.  Luckily the Husband, Medium Boy and Small Boy are coming home today!  Yay!

Over the week, I met up with long lost friends.  Monday and Thursday evenings, I had concalls to take, hence dashed home after a quick dinner.  I self invited to JA's home on Tuesday evening.  Their little one G who turns 2 in December, was discharged last Sunday after being warded for stomach flu.  G was soooo manja (clingy) to his grandmother and mom!  I suppose that is normal after being in hospital.  Sat around the dining table with J and A after the dishes were cleared to talk about our children.  A shared that the flu made its rounds at home, leading to everyone feeling a little out of sorts emotionally.  Sigh.  When the little one is ill, the adults wake up at every small sound to check, leading to lack of sleep, which in turn lowers immunity... voila, the adults are the next to be ill.

I brought probiotics and sambucol along to let G try.  His grandmother (J's mom) gave me the fish eye and declared that he eats enough fruits and vegetables... there is no need for supplements.  J and A both looked at her, then at me, as she exited the dining room.  Ah well, grandparents are entitled to their opinions, ultimately parents are the ones who have to bring our children up correct..... *shrug*

Wednesday was All Saints' Day.  I went for Wed evening mass with N, and spent a lovely evening having a meal and adult conversation with her.  No interruptions from little ones!  :)

Friday night.  I worked till 8pm until my growling stomach insisted that it be fed.  Now will do very nicely, thankkiewvelimuch, it told me.  Ah when the stomach is this way, it is best to listen before gastric strikes.  Then spent the rest of the night vacuuming and mopping the floor, which took me to 10pm.  Time to put my feet up and relax with a camomile tea while skype-ing with the Husband!

Pumping overseas for a working mom

Small Boy weaned in Jan 2012, so mentally counting the months, he was breastfed for 20-21 months.
Medium Boy weaned himself off in Sep 2009.  Breastfed for 14 months.  Medium Boy's English teacher K once commented that he is generally healthy compared to his classmates.  He has NEVER gotten HFMD, and he bounces back quickly from the common cold.

Since both boys were born, I have expressed milk on the go while away from them during the work day.  The Company is a very generous employer.  They provide nursing rooms in the SG office stocked with a Medela PISA, a fridge to store the expressed milk, a Pigeon steriliser and a sink to wash up.  I just have to bring my funnels and bottles, plus cooler bag to work.  WOW.  I used to take the amentities that the Company provided for granted until I hear of other moms pumping in the toilet over their lunch or break times. Hey, I would not eat in a toilet, why do you expect me to prepare my baby's food in a toilet? Some bosses even make snide remarks about cows and boobs when the moms come back from a pump break.   These bosses need to know that breastfed babies fall ill less often, and hence the mom takes urgent leave less often.  Everyone wins with breastfeeding, the baby, the mom and the employer.  See this from our own Health Promotion Board!

I made the following overseas trips while I was still a nursing mother.

• Jakarta, Indonesia.  Medium Boy was 8 months old.  This was my first trip away from MB since he was born.  I remember crying into the phone the 1st night I was away from him when the Husband put his ear to the phone.  The sound of his gu-gu-gah undid me.
• Bangkok, Thailand.  Medium Boy was 11 months old.
• Chennai, India.  Small Boy was 5 months old.  J initially was reluctant to ask me to go since I was just 1 month back at work from maternity leave.  Well, my teammates AJ, J and R were all off to Chennai.... it would be a career limiting move NOT to volunteer to travel too.  I appreciated very much that J was concerned enough about my personal life not to ask me to travel.  What a man... What A Man... he is still the most humane supervisor I have had in my entire life :) and I miss having him as a boss (ah, this is a topic for another post)
• KL, Malaysia.  Small Boy was 1 year old.
• London, UK.  Small Boy was 16 months old.

Here are some tips for a smooth experience of pumping on the go.

1. Bring the supplies.  I brought milk bags (stating the obvious: bring more thatn you think you need!), cooler bag for transporting from hotel to office, freezer bag for transporting from hotel/office to airport.  The Fridge To Go brand worked marvellously for me keeping the milk nicely frozen.... yes, even the 16 hours door to door London trip. 
2. Freeze the FTG freezer bag in hotel freezer at least 2 days before you are due to go to the airport.  Gives you time to put things right if the bellboy misunderstands your instructions.
3. Bring the pump and all pump parts! (including the battery and charger) I left my funnels in the home fridge while I was dashing out to the airport for my Chennai trip.  Horror of horrors.  Luckily I had attended a BMSG talk about hand expression where Mow Lie generously shared with the audience how she hand expressed through her working days as a sales person.  I had to put theory into practice really fast!
4. Watch for language differences.  In Thailand, my Thai colleague wrote out stickers for me to paste on the milk bags "This is milk for babies.  Keep frozen below 0 degrees C".  She was a breastfeeding mom herself and was concerned the bellboys do not know the difference between chill and freeze.
5. Follow the milk!  Large hotels generally have a bigger freezer.  My first experience in Jakarta went really well... the milk bags were frozen.  With the first experience safely under my belt, I was complacent when I went to Bangkok.  I did not check the hotel freezer at all..... Turns out the tiny boutique hotel probably had a tiny freezer and the Thai bellboy was too polite to tell me that my FTG freezer bag is toooo big to go into their freezer.  My frozen milk was dripping condensation on the way from hotel to airport.... I did not want to think what was happening to the milk on the hot Bangkok tarmac.  A whole week's supply.... sigh... down the drain.  I made the same mistake of not following the milk for my Chennai trip.  I thought I had covered the bases when I arrived on Monday and specifically told the bellboy I wanted to see the freezer in the kitchen.  Yes I followed him down to the kitchen!  Reassured myself that the freezer is large enough.  Then left it at that for Tuesday and Wednesday, as I was too exhausted from the day's work to check again.  Thursday I decided to pop down to the kitchen again to check on the milk.  Horrors!!!  The milk was just left in the chiller.  After 3 days of hand expressing.... Imagine my shock.....  The Indian chef and restaurant manager both looked at my ice queen demeanour and were shocked into complying with my requests to please put the milk into the freezer.  I received a complimentary dessert for room service that night.... but what is a dessert compared to 2 days' worth of milk down the drain.... Sigh.  A true learning experience that I hope no mom shall ever have to go through.
6. Enlist help!  Bellboys, colleagues who speak the language, even the hotel receptionist are new best friends.  When they know milk is for baby, they are generally accommodating.

There were many angels along the way.  Mr H in the Jakarta hotel who took my milk with a smile, and personally escorted me to the freezer and back, making sure I put on winterwear before entering the room-sized freezer.  Mr P in Park Plaza London, who bowed over my milk and aceded to my daily requests to check on them.  Mr R in The Regent KL, who shared with me stories of his own baby boy and encouraged me in my breastfeeding journey.
On behalf of Medium Boy and Small Boy, I thank all of you for being such darlings about accommodating my request that the breastmilk be securely frozen.


Caveat:  I am no super mommy.  Breastfeeding for more than a year for both Medium Boy and Small Boy is pure Singaporean kiasu-ness because I am sold on the many benefits for baby.  Never mind the benefits for me too.  Heh!