Two is enough

When some kaypoh (inquisitive) relatives learn I have 2 boys, their next question is "Are you trying for a girl next?"  My responses range from a polite No, followed by a rapid change in the subject to "Can anyone guarantee that the next baby is a girl, what if it is a boy again? Imagine 3 active boys running around!"

Right now, I really cannot imagine having another baby.  Small Boy woke me up with requests for milk in the middle of the night for 3 consecutive nights, and my body is aching.  Neck, shoulder, upper arms.  Ouch.  The first 2-3 years of a newborn's life requires a mother's constant care... there are just so many things to do that I am unable to carve out my own head space to have a coherant thought!

Maybe in 18 years time, I will look back and say "I wish I had given birth to another one, boy or girl".  Right now, my aching body reminds me that I need to keep myself physically well first in order to be a good mother.

First haircut

Medium Boy went for his first ever haircut at the barber yesterday morning.  The Husband has cut his hair since birth, and at 4 years old.... well, we thought that it is high time he learnt to sit in the barber's chair.

Medium Boy closed his eyes as the hair trimmer approached

See the frown!  Haha.  So cute.

7 habits of highly effective people

I have volunteered to present part of Stephen Covey's Seven Habits of Highly Effective People to the rest of my virtual work team, comprising of at least 25 nationalities spread across 15 countries.  The Company believes in development of its people and is now putting its money where its mouth is, by carving out time during the week of 15 October for a enterprise-wise bottom-up funfair-type activity.  No matter my grouses about the Company from time to time, it does take time out to SAYANG the employees.  That is much more than a lot of other companies do.

Extracted from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Seven_Habits_of_Highly_Effective_People 
The First Three Habits surround moving from dependence to independence (i.e., self-mastery):

• Habit 1: Be Proactive

Take initiative in life by realizing that your decisions (and how they align with life's principles) are the primary determining factor for effectiveness in your life. Take responsibility for your choices and the consequences that follow.

• Habit 2: Begin with the End in Mind

Self-discover and clarify your deeply important character values and life goals. Envision the ideal characteristics for each of your various roles and relationships in life. Create a mission statement.

• Habit 3: Put First Things First

Prioritize, plan, and execute your week's tasks based on importance rather than urgency. Evaluate whether your efforts exemplify your desired character values, propel you toward goals, and enrich the roles and relationships that were elaborated in Habit 2.

Interdependence

The next three have to do with Interdependence (i.e., working with others):

• Habit 4: Think Win-Win

Genuinely strive for mutually beneficial solutions or agreements in your relationships. Value and respect people by understanding a "win" for all is ultimately a better long-term resolution than if only one person in the situation had gotten his way.

• Habit 5: Seek First to Understand, Then to be Understood

Use empathic listening to be genuinely influenced by a person, which compels them to reciprocate the listening and take an open mind to being influenced by you. This creates an atmosphere of caring, respect, and positive problem solving.

• Habit 6: Synergize

Combine the strengths of people through positive teamwork, so as to achieve goals no one person could have done alone.

Self Renewal

The Last habit relates to self-rejuvenation:

• Habit 7: Sharpen the Saw

Balance and renew your resources, energy, and health to create a sustainable, long-term, effective lifestyle. It primarily emphasizes exercise for physical renewal, prayer (meditation, yoga, etc.) and good reading for mental renewal. It also mentions service to society for spiritual renewal.

I offered to present Habit 1: Be Proactive.  In most of the developmental reviews, I am deemed fearless in approaching others in resolving problems, once I have done my initial analysis.  Virtual presentations are tough in the sense of almost no immediate feedback from body language.  I cannot see if my audience is totally engaged or bored!

Elephants and Bees

The Husband brought Medium Boy out in the car - no we did not get tickets, we were too tight fisted for that - on the Benjamin Sheares bridge last night to hear the roar of the F1 race machines.  Medium Boy and the Husband were watching the race on television when Medium Boy said that the wheels turning reminded him of fans.  The Husband immediately offered to drive him down to the race track, and he said YAY!

When Medium Boy came back, I asked him "What does the racing car sound like?"  He put on this thinking look for a while, tilting his head to the side.  I could not resist prompting "Maybe it sounds like a lion or tiger... roaring?"  He seemed to come to a decision all of a sudden.  "Mama, they sound like 2 different animals - elephants and bees!"

The thump of the elephants' hooves and the whiny drone of the bees put together, do make up the sound of the F1 engines.  You constantly amaze me, Medium Boy.

Medium Boy takes in information via his ears first.  He is an auditory learner, with a secondary kinesthetic sense.  Just like me :)  I remember it was the Husband's voice that first attracted me.  Baritone with a hint of tenor in his laugh.  Now the little boys chirp like soprano birds whenever they are together.  Medium Boy does more chirping than Small Boy currently as his vocabulary is more extensive.  I am pretty sure 2 years down the road, Small Boy will be chirping non stop at his kor kor.. until Medium Boy tells him to keep quiet!

Newspapers reading

I used to read the newspapers faithfully everyday until the boys came along. Then it was a case of glancing through the headlines on the Internet before yet another mommy-related task ate up my time.

I am alone at home now reading both yesterday's and today's newspapers. The Husband brought Medium Boy out to the Esplanade bridge to hear the roar of the F1 engines, and my helper is out with Small Boy. I should enjoy this alone time with the newspapers while I can, instead of blogging :)

Prosperity gospel and Suffering

It is human to want joy, contentment, fulfilment and all things good, without putting in the effort.  I have never heard any sane human being say 'Suffering is good'.  Here lies the appeal of the prosperity gospel.

The prosperity gospel preaches that God wants prosperity and health for every one of us.  If one does enough good deeds, including give money to the preachers, then one will have great fortune.  I raise a skeptical eyebrow to that.  Sounds like an elaborate con job to prey on human vulnerability.

There is a Chinese saying that birth, aging, illness and death are part of being human.  It is not too clear to me whether that saying came from Buddhist or Taoist philosophy.  The saying then goes on to add that how one responds to those 4 afflictions is a personal choice, which dovetails with the idea of free will in the Christian tradition.

One book that dived deeply into the idea of human suffering and its value is Henri Nouwen's "Adam" about the author's encounter with a disabled and eventually bedridden man.  I had a similar encounter with my maternal grandfather while he lay silent in the nursing home during the last 3 years of his life.  I could tell him anything from the depths of my 20-year-old anguish, and then be comforted by his mere presence.  I missed his loving meals then when I was 20, and I miss his presence now. 

Ah.  Such a sombre post for a Friday.

Brothers

I called Aunt's place to instruct the helper to be ready in 5 minutes for us to pick her up.  After speaking to me, she passed the phone onto Small Boy.  "Where is Kor kor?" was his first question to me.

When Small Boy entered the car, he realised that Kor Kor is not there.  Asked the Husband "Where is Kor kor, Papa?"

Happy that Small Boy loves Medium Boy.  Medium Boy shares his food and toys with Small Boy frequently.  I am not worried about the flow of love in that direction.  Small Boy however.... takes every chance to fight with his brother over toys.  Once in exasperation, I wondered aloud in the presence of Small Boy "Why do you fight with Kor Kor all the time?!".  "I like to fight, Mama!" was Small Boy's earnest answer. 

Ah, the truth emerges.

Liquid crystal displays and a child's wisdom on Aging

There is something about the moving words and numbers on liquid crystal displays 'LCDs' that attracts the attention of the little ones.  The highlight of any airport jaunt for Small Boy is the stop at the gigantic flight information display board at Terminal 2.  He will not move from the spot until he has seen at least one set of numbers quote, unquote 'jumping'.  "Please hold on to the handrails" in the skytrain between the terminals fascinate him.  So does "Bus stopping" on the SBS bus.

Medium Boy used to love moving words and numbers.  Why, we had to bring him to the Immigration and Checkpoints Authorities to collect his first passport in person.  He was 5 months old then, and stared like a stunned zombie at the red letters and flashing numbers across the LCDs.

This morning, I told Medium Boy that he finished all his broccoli and chicken last night, hence he is taller and stronger than before.  He earnestly replied "Then I will be 6 years old correct?" [He is currently 4 years 2 months old].  In his mind, eating vegetables makes him grow up tall and strong, and .... older.  Hmmm.  Well, dearest, Mummy is still faithfully eating her vegetables at every meal and yes I am growing older too.  You might well have a point there.

Hooray for Education Minister

Finally the school ranking system is scrapped! I remember that the Straits Times first published a ranking of all secondary schools in Singapore when I had just finished my secondary education. My mom and dad 'allowed' me to choose my own secondary school when I finished my primary education. My only criteria then were (1) if my primary school classmates chose that school and (2) if it was reasonably near to home as I did not want to get up extra early to go to school. Heh, lazy me, always searching for the most efficient way to get things done.

Apparently parents now conduct a lot of research into secondary schools so that their darlings might get into a good school, however they define good.  I have started to think about this for Medium Boy and Small Boy, but for primary schools, not secondary schools.

More on Moxie

Oh dear!  So much drawing of lines in the sand amongst parents... primarily mothers! 
http://www.askmoxie.org/2012/09/more-on-free-but-not-cheap.html
Pax sisters.... Use the arms raised now in anger to hug a mother who does not mother the same way as you do.  Use the passion behind the words to build a better tomorrow for our daughters.

(Hypothetical daughter for me.  Since I do not have one)

I belong to the category of moms who do not, simply do not like the drudgery of the jobs part of parenting.  I dearly wish that there was a magic wand that I can wave with a swish, and both Medium Boy and Small Boy are capable of self care.  I do however realise that the jobs are what I make of them, and the relationships are what I make of them.

Last night, Small Boy woke up from 4-5am, murmuring to himself and keeping me awake, and could not sleep even after his milk feed.  I was so afraid that he would make enough noise to wake up Medium Boy.  Small Boy eventually rolled around and went back to sleep at 5am.  Ah.  Both boys do look like angels when they are sleeping.

I would write more on Moxie's post.  But I need to dash.

Weather forecasts in Singapore

The meteorologists in Singapore have it easy.  The weather forecast is inevitably "Sunny with occasional showers in the late morning and early afternoon" in all of the weather reports on the television during my growing up years (when I still watched TV).   I heard that particular sentence again this morning on radio.... The time is nearly 2pm.  The sky is clear with little sign of the rain-bringing cumulus-nimbus clouds.  Where oh where are the showers in the late morning and early afternoon hiding?  I need rain.  It is too hot to think now.

When I was living in Melbourne, the weather forecasts were more varied, and to my great surprise, accurate.  Melbourne is famed for having 4 seasons in one day.  I learnt to keep abreast of the weather news in order to plan my weekend activities there.  I remember one summer day in Jan 2003 which started off at 44 degrees C in the morning.  A squall blew into St Kilda's beach around noon, and the temperature dropped to 21 degrees C.  I was prepared for the wind chill and brought my wind breaker out with me.

The only weather variance in Singapore is when I step in and out of air-conditioning, which seems to be set at a chilly 20 degrees C.  Brrr.  Hopping in and out of air-conditioned places into 30 degrees C sunshine is not good for health at all.

Upcoming concert

Thanks to E (a fellow April mommy) who dased down yesterday to buy tickets from the Sistic counter, the Husband, I, Medium Boy and Small Boy are going to the SSO Babies Prom concert on 6 Dec 2012 10am.  We had brought the boys in 2010 and 2011 to the Esplanade Concert Hall.  In 2010, while bringing Medium Boy to the stage to wander amongst the orchestra at the end of the show, part of my little toenail was ripped off in the rush to the stage.  My fault - I wore Birkenstocks to the concert!  Having learnt my lesson, I made sure to wear covered shoes to the 2011 concert.  Normally rational women turn into a mob when jostling for space to watch over their little ones on the stage.

It is a pity that I only got to know about SSO Babies Prom in 2010.  Medium Boy would have enjoyed the concerts very much in earlier years.  He listened to "Uncle Peter's music" (quote unquote) all through and his eyes were fixated onto the stage.  He knew when to clap enthusiastically too...!

Small Boy was just half a year old in 2010, but I put him in an ergo and brought him along anyway.  Last year (2011), he seemed to enjoy the drums best.  Perhaps his hearing is not so developed yet that he can pick out the higher pitches. 
I look forward to attending the concert with Medium Boy and Small Boy this year.  Indeed children see and hear things differently from adults. 

Hmm.  Time to send them to music appreciation class?  I enjoy my weekends with them too much to ship them off to class.  Maybe another year.  I was teaching Medium Boy the music notes (A-G) using the piano at home.  At one point, he knew where Middle C is.  I stopped earlier this year due to work pressures.  Need to pick up the music lessons with them again, and teach them how to read towgay (= beansprouts.  Singaporean slang for musical notation).

End of post.  Double Bar Line.  *grin *

Monday musings

I live right next door to a popular primary school.  Today marks the first day of the last primary school semester of the year.  Woke up at 7am to angsty honking of cars.  Ah well, the light rain last night probably meant that many primary school children were roused up from their sleep for their first day of school after the week long school holidays.  Thus the parents were already in a bad mood when they arrived at school with their sleepy children in tow. 

There is only one narrow road to drop the children off at the carpark behind Tao Nan when it starts to rain.  Guess the honking parent(s) was thinking about all the things that they needed to complete, and saw the cars in front as yet another obstacle to the start of the day.

My dad used to drive us all to school in the mornings when we were in primary school.  I remember it always being a mad rush out of the house after gobbling down my Milo and egg-and-toast sandwich.  My mum believed in feeding us all breakfast before we left the house to give us energy for the school day and the work day.

I am grateful for the rain today which cleared away some of the haze from Indonesia.  Plus... the plants get some water to drink.  The last week in Singapore had been hot and hazy.  Perhaps the smoke particles trapped more heat in the air.... the humidity was very high!

Parenthood being a job vs being a relationship

One of my facebook friends posts the most wonderful affirmations and thoughts about bringing up children, and staying sane in the process. I must admit: I check her wall daily.

However this morning when I logged in for my usual dose, it wasn't her post which set me thinking, bt another daddy friend who (I reckon) is frequently busy with his 2 young sons to post many things.

When I read This, I realize why I am frequently exhausted. Raising 2 young ones is below the age of 5 is an exercise in keeping up with the many many jobs that need to be done.  This too shall pass and they will grow up soon enough that the relationship returns to centre stage (as it should be!).  I caanot wait for the job part of being a mum to be over.

School holiday. All my boys are out while I work

Today is workday 5 on the August month end close timetable.  I am unable to take leave today.

Medium Boy is off school as today is Teacher's Day in Singapore.  My aunt, who normally would have taken both boys in on school holidays, has scheduled something in the morning for herself.  She is concerned that leaving 2 energetic young boys (and my 94 year old grandma) with 2 domestic helpers would be too much for the helpers to handle! [I reckon she is right... looking after the boys during the weekends exhaust me!]

Tadah... Enter the Husband to the rescue!  He is out with both boys - alone - this morning.  He is bringing them out to the Cloud Forest at Gardens by the Bay http://www.gardensbythebay.com.sg/en/home.html.  We were there with the boys last weekend. They ooh-ed and aah-ed in wonder at the height of the waterfall in the air conditioned conversatory, so much that their mouths were open half the time from looking up.  Tee hee hee!

Morning snapshots

I woke up this morning to Small Boy's coughs.  Medium Boy coughed loudly enough during the night to wake me up at least once.  It must be the haze that is causing their little lungs to react to the dust in the air.  Time to run the Delphin air purifier this evening.

Winked at Small Boy, alternating left and right eyes.  He found that really amusing and laughed out loud, a real belly laugh that rumbled its way up his little stocky body, and burst out of his little mouth.

When Medium Boy awoke and flopped himself like a fish upon the couch, Small Boy walked up to him, touched his shoulder, grinned and roared at his kor kor.  After a few tentative roars by Small Boy, Medium Boy got into the act by pretending to spit saliva at Small Boy.  They played with each other like that for at least 10 minutes, giving me time to brush my teeth and wash my face, without any interruptions (this so rarely happens that it calls for a celebration!).

I had a mini roaring lion and a fountain today, instead of 2 little boys!  heheh.

Lunch w N

I met an old friend N for lunch just now at the Marine Parade hawker centre.  I have known him since we were both 18.  Half our lives!  Our lives and interests do not really intersect - he is an archeologist, I work with numbers - but when we meet, the conversation is always lively and interesting.

Today Ispoke to him about human motivation, inspired by Dr Petunia Lee's book which I was reading. as well as the education system and being a child in Singapore.  He told me a little bit about his public lecture on Rock Art last Friday, and being taped for a TV interview to be aired on the Morning Show on Monday.  As he had been misquoted by the media before, he was naturally wary of the TV interview.  What changed his mind was when another friend asked him "How often does an archeologist get to talk about their work on TV?" Go, Indiana Jones!!

Temper temper

Small Boy has a temper that is a match for the Husband and myself.  This morning, he spilled 2 biscuits of the container he held in his hand when we were walking to the car park.  He accused Medium Boy of taking his biscuits but I knew that cannot be true as Medium Boy was nowhere near Small Boy on the way to the carpark.  Is 2 years 5 months old enough to control his temper? 

According to the Husband, yes.  The Husband's cardinal rule is that no one must scream or throw tantrums while he is driving.   I totally understand that as I am unable to pay attention to my surroundings while driving, when either of the boys is screaming.  Talking loudly is still ok for me... I can tune that out.  However a scream/whine hooks itself onto my ears and into my soul, signalling something is out of whack.

According to me.... it depends.  Small Boy was really aggrieved that his beloved biscuits were gone.  I understand too the depth of his anguish.

I believe that children catch behaviours from us.  They will do what they see us doing, not what we tell them to do.  When I react with kindness and gentleness now, they will learn how to manage their own emotions.  I am after all growing a child, not a robot who bends to my own whims and fancies.

Weekend

Most weekends, we are out with the boys.  Somewhere.  Anywhere.  To expend their energy so that they may sleep longer in the afternoon.

Saturday we went to Gardens by the Bay.  The boys found the waterfall way more interesting than the flower domes.  Boys being boys, they prefer action, I suppose, to looking at pretty flowers.

Sunday we made our way to the airport.  Hey the newly refurbished Terminal 1 had a pretty raindrop light and music dance.  Went to T2 staff canteen for lunch, then headed to T3 to watch the Big Fan (Medium Boy's request) before heading home.

I saw that Goodman road Arts Centre had a Open House over the weekend on Friday, but we ended up at our usual haunts.  Sigh.  Humans are creatures of habit.

Fights and tears

With 2 little boys and big egos at home, there are bound to be territorial fights over toys, over medium boy asking small boy repeatedly to go into his 'boat' (a tent which is terribly messy) and even over who is occupying more space on my lap.

Fight #1
Small boy stood on the floor and flung both his arms to take up my entire lap space. Medium boy wanted a piece of my lap. Small boy kung-fu kicked him out of the way.

Fight #2
Small boy rode on medium boy's bicycle. I had to remind him that it was kor kor's bike, not his. Ah after all small boy is only 2. He started yelling soon after. The Husband placed him in a room alone to calm down.

I cannot wait for Monday to come.