Peculiar Purple Pie Man

When I look at lovely hair accessories like this, I wish that I had a little girl to dress up.  Like a real life Barbie doll or since I did not play with Barbies as a child, a real life Strawberry Shortcake doll.  Anyone remembers this?  Or the Peculiar Purple Pie Man' song..... which is more catchy than the Strawberry Shortcake theme music certainly.

"The Peculiar Purple Pie Man
A Porcupine Peak! 
Rat tat tat, tat tat tat, tat tat ... tat!"

I used to play with Legos, graduated from Duplos, or caught grasshoppers in the school field.  The biggest grasshopper I caught was in Primary 2, as long as my index finger then.... Seemed really gigantic to me.

My first girly present was either My Little Pony or Strawberry Shortcake.  I promptly gave it a haircut within a week, waiting to see if the hair would grow.  On hindsight, my mom was probably mortified that such an expensive doll was mutilated :P... if she had such thoughts, she kept it to herself!
Mom comforted me when the hair did NOT grow back.  Think she bought a mini figurine with the strawberry scent on Strawberry Shortcake's head to pacify this silly girl.  Haha!

Quote of the day

"People who are weak and vulnerable can also awaken in us what is most dark and ugly.  Their cry, their provocations, their constant demands and their depression can unmask our own anguish and violence.  But isn't it true that in order to grow in our humanity, we need to recognise the voilence and the power of hatred within our own heart, all that we consider shameful and try to hide?  In L'Arche, we are gradually learning how to manage these fears and energies in a positive way and how to free ourselves from the powers of destruction within us."

- Jean Vanier (The Scandal of Service: Jesus Washes our Feet, page 2-3)

I first came across the L'Arche community in Henri Nouwen's book "Adam" where the able bodied and specially abled live, work and pray together in a community located somewhere in France.  Singapore hosts a similar church-based community, however all return home to their families at the end of the day.

"Adam" held a powerful idea that the weak could help the strong.  That is soooo not the concept that Singapore as a country adopts... The weak are to be helped to become strong.

Teachable moment flashed by

I was in a hurry this morning to get Medium Boy to school.  As we exited the flyover to connect to the expressway, a black Mercedes overtook me on the right on a one lane road.  The very same Merc was stuck in front of me later in the traffic snarl... The driver, a 40something Chinese man, signalled left but was blocking my lane as he determined how best to get a car length ahead.

Miffed by the earlier overtaking (which I considered dangerous), I honked at him.  He moved into the left lane, and I passed him.  End of story.... Meanwhile, the wheels in the 4 year old's mind were turning...... all of a sudden, I heard a voice from the left passenger seat.

Medium Boy: Mama, why did you honk?  He was only queueing correct.  Everyone needs to queue.
Mama: (so surprised at his insight that I cannot remember what I responded, something inconsequential I believe)

Later on, I related this incident to the Husband.  The Husband is quicker of mind than I am in such circumstances.... If that had happened when the Husband and Medium Boy were in the car together, the Husband said, the Husband would have told MB that indeed the Merc was just queueing, but it was not safe for the Merc to overtake us just now on a one lane road, Papa is worried about everyone's safety, hence the honking.

Teachable moments really pass us by.  I shall be more alert next time.
My only excuse is that 3 days of being alone with a napless Medium Boy over the long weekend has addled my brain.  Time for a quick snooze then... hehe.

Complete reponsibility for another human being

I met up with an old friend and now financial advisor D today, partly to catch up and partly to rebalance my portfolio.  He is childless by choice and intends never to have children.  Other than choosing a life partner, I cannot think of any other decision that will have such a great impact on a person's overall life satisfaction and happiness... can you think of any?

Raising Medium Boy and Small Boy is a lot of work, and they sometimes drive me up the wall.  However, it takes just one hug, one kiss from either of them to make my day.  The evenings reading with them in my lap, those are the best part of my day.  Yes I tell them that too.

Dictionary.com defines happiness as the quailty and state of being happy.... *frown* so I just had to look up how 'happy' is defined.  The first definition of happy is "delighted, pleased, or glad, as over a particular thing".
Contentment on the other hand is "a peaceful state of happiness in which one rests without desires, even though every wish may not have been gratified".

D, I pray for you that you will be content with your decision in 30 years' time.  Your financial portfolio would definitely be bigger than mine then... but as Morrie says in "Tuesdays with Morrie" - "There is no experience like having children...If you want the experience of having complete responsibility for another human being, and to learn to love and bond in the deepest way, then you should have children."

Oh I so want to hug my Medium Boy and Small Boy now!  In the middle of the work day....

Sunny days

I love love love sunny days for different reasons, compared to my love for rainy days.  Here are a few things that I love about sunny and rainy days.

Sunny days
The laundry dries properly.  There is nothing in the world that comes close to the smell of sun baked clothing... except for the smell of the little boys' (sweaty) heads.
Time to hit the beach!  which I have not done for a while now

Rainy days
The grass patches outside my apartment are green again after a couple of days of intermittent showers.  Plants have water to drink during rainy days.
Snuggling at home watching the rain with a warm cup of Milo or tea.

Good golly gosh! It is alive!!!

Some months ago, Aunt was occupied at the dining room table, either at the computer or peeling some vegetables.  She heard Small Boy stomp determindly out of the room like a mini elephant, and wondered briefly what he was up to.  However she did not turn around to check.

Small Boy materialised at her side and left a brown rectangular object at her left foot.  Aunt glanced down.... and shucks alive!  That brown rectangle is moving!!!
Small Boy managed to catch a lizard by its tail, and probably thought Aunt would love the gift :)

Luckily for Aunt, she is a seasoned secondary school teacher of Normal stream students for 20+ years and these pranks were not uncommon from her students.... She stayed very still upon seeing Small Boy's gift, got up slowly to get a tissue and disposed of the lizard leg in the dustbin.  Wow, what a woman.

I reckon it is in the nature of cats and small boys to leave live presents to the ones they love.  Small Boy must REALLY love Aunt then?

Mommy is not a Princess

Medium Boy has been obsessed with fans and turning wheels.  At 8 months old, he turned cars around, used his hands to spin the wheels [that took many tries, 8 month old hands are not very agile], and watched them turn around.  Then he did it again... and again... and again.  The spinning wheels of the car occupied him for at least one hour every single day for at least a week.

At 2 years old, he asked his grandparents for a fan for his birthday.  They bought him a blue one in a MY department store.  His first 3 syllable word is propellar.

At 3 years old, he explained to me out of a fan brochure how hot and cold air circulates.  I learnt that BTU = British Thermal Unit., and we went through colours together using fan brochures from Courts, Harvey Norman and Mega Discount Store.  Is it any wonder that he knew his blacks, whites, and greys  before any other colour...

At 4 years old, he notices fans and propellars everywhere he goes.  Even flowers are fans!!!

Ah Kung had come to stay with us over the past 2 weeks.  Medium Boy is esctatic, as he has a handyman on tap to fix all sorts of fan-like gadgets for him.  Ah Kung came up with a portable stroller fan innovation with interchangable blades.  During our after-lunch pretend time today, Medium Boy asked me to go with him into his Ikea tent to demonstrate the fan's capabilities.

MB: Look mummy!  Ah Kung made me a fan with many blades.  Look... I can change the blades.
Me: Oh very good.  May I have the pink blade on the fan please?
MB: OK!  - fixes the pink blade -  Pink is a girl colour correct?  For princesses...
Me: Ummmm.... (thinking to myself - where does he get these gender / colour stereotypes from?!)
Me:  Good, you fixed the pink blades for me.  Is mommy a princess?
MB: (cocks his head and thinks a while) NOOOOO.... Mommy is mummy, Mommy cannot be a princess.

You got that right baby.  Mommy is THE queen of the castle, not a mere princess :)

Development Week

The Company had set aside this week as Staff Development Week.  Singapore HR organised a series of workshops this week in the local office premises that were about the new leadership attributes, and how development is really self directed.

The Company is one of the best to work for.  Yes it is big and there are many hoops to jump through to get things done, so much that I occasionally have in mind a performing seal at the circus.  Yes there are good and bad line supervisors to work for.  I keep in touch with the good ones (HL, P, J and H) and try to stay away from the bad.  All in all, this Company is waaaay better than the previous one.

This week I presented Steven Covey's first habit of highly effective people: Be proactive.  The takeaway for me is the pause between a stimulus and my response.  SY feedback to me yesterday that I would need to exercise restraint should I choose to work with C.  To be clear of the consequences of my choice.  I am impatient by nature plus I detest inconsistencies in people I work with.  P and J were vastly different personailities.  One was a brash salesman born and bred with many stories to tell and a will to close the deal.  But oh the important toes he stepped on sometimes.... The other carried the day by using charm.  He was impossible to dislike even when one disagreed with him!!

Back to working with C.  SY cautioned me to tone down my strong personality as C's personality is not as strong.  I need to really keep my mouth shut.  This will be a lateral move, not a promotion.  My choice, my consequences.  Need to rebuild the foundation of my family, badly shaken from April to June this year.  So the less brain space I need to exert at work, the better.

I need to catch hold of my boss soon to make changes to my development plan. 

Blogging about Children

As I blog, I am keenly aware that both Medium Boy and Small Boy will be readers of my blog one day.  They will see themselves as I see them.  Hence in this respect, it is not bragging to talk about their accomplishments and how proud I am of them.  Make no mistake, I AM proud of them, my 2 little boys.

• Medium Boy thanked Small Boy today for passing a toy over, and Small Boy responded "You are welcome!"
• Medium Boy let Small Boy have Medium Boy's self-appointed task to press the lift button IN the lift.  [between them, they worked out that Small Boy presses buttons outside the lift; Medium Boy presses buttons inside the lift]
• Small Boy took a car to Medium Boy when Medium Boy was crying, and said 'Sayang (= comfort) kor kor, be happy, don't cry.....'

It is not that I have no problems being a mother to them, not by any long shot.  I am not perfect.  They are not perfect.  BUT I love them whole-heartedly, yes with my whole heart.  No matter what they achieve, no matter who they are, simply because they belong to me and the Husband. 

Morning person

I am a morning person.  I love the freshness of the morning air and the way the sun creeps over the horizon. 

Medium Boy and Small Boy woke up before me this morning.  The first thing I saw when I opened my eyes was Small Boy's face [how did his little newborn face get so huge?!] in mine.  I quickly squeezed my eyes shut but too late, he saw my eyes flicker.  He used his fingers then to pry my eyelids open, saying 'Mama, get up!'

A minute or 2 or 5 (haha!) more lazing around in bed would be nice, Small Boy.

Remember this when you have your own children - mama and papa woke up because you asked us to.

There are 2 things that my own dad said we must give more of to our children than he provided for me.  The first is love, and the second is education.  I woke up because of love this morning.

Education has been on my mind too with the recent news of PSLE review, official school banding abolished.  Medium Boy and Small Boy are not there yet.  I am in a dilemma whether to put them into my alum school (hypercompetitive) or a more holistic Catholic-based school.  I have 2 more years to decide for Medium Boy.

Being the parent of a cheat

I do not have strong opinions on sports, so I do not blog about it.  I used to watch soccer when Singapore was still in the Malaysia Cup in the 1990s, and hey I was at the Singapore stadium in 1994 with 3 of my classmates when Fandi Ahmad scored a goal to make it 1-0 against Pahang. I enjoyed watching any of the tennis grand slam finals, and yes it did not hurt that Andre Agassi was pleasing to the eye :)

What caught my eye out of the whole Lance Armstrong saga of dope, cycling, sports, cancer and cheating was this comment made by his 1998-2001 teammate Christian Vande Velde.  “More painful than coming clean to the public will be coming clean to (my) father” said Vande Velde.  You see, Vande Velde’s father is a 2 time Olympian.  From the age of 5, Vande Velde woke up daily to the familiar hissing sound of a bicycle pump as his father inflated the tyres of their bikes so that they could ride around their Chicago neighbourhood.

My heart breaks for Vande Velde’s father.  Ah but a silver lining ...Vande Velde recognizes that his systemic sustained cheating has broken his father’s heart.  I wonder what Vande Velde's father would say to him at that chat over the dining table......

Attitude to money

I am financially prudent.  Always have been, and (I like to think that) I always will be.

Until I saw this bag  https://picasaweb.google.com/104715642375782397676/HermesAuthentication and I. Just. Had. To. Buy. It.
Suffice to say I have to work ONE entire month to buy the bag.  In terms of exchanging time for money, and money for one bag, this is a stupid investment decision indeed.
But oh..... never had I lusted for a bag, any inaminate object, until I set eyes on this bag in a Hong Kong shop during our getaway. 

I say I am financially prudent because my home loan is paid out of CPF and does not exceed the MAS recommendation of 35% of income.  I pay all my credit card bills in full at the end of every month, and scrutinise my bills when they come in.  I am debt free except for the housing loan.  The Husband and I decided to bite the bullet and pay off our car in 3 years instead of stretching the car loan to 10 years.  I absolutely refuse to pay the bank any more interest than I have to.

Even my MIL says I am thrifty.  She is being kind of course. 

I see too many of my peers who live on credit card debt.  That way of life is not for me.  In terms of managing money, and not letting money manage me, this lady is my idol.  Her message about delayed gratification, fiscal responsibility and knowing the difference between needs and wants, speaks to both my head and my heart. 

Happy together

Medium Boy went with the Husband to fetch his grandparents from the airport last Saturday.  As the ILs' flight landed at 5pm, it was a little too early for a Small Boy who slept only at 330pm to hightail it to the airport too.  Not to mention that a sleepy Small Boy is a cranky Small Boy.

I went to Aunt's place to celebrate Second Sis's birthday that evening.
7pm at Aunt's place.  The phone rang and hey the call was for me.
Husband: your boy misses his little brother.  I am dropping him off in 5 minutes.
Me: (slightly surprised) ok

Medium Boy came up, and spent most of the evening bossing Small Boy around, telling him what to do and which toys to play with.  Such is the behaviour of an older sibling.

As the eldest sibling of 4 girls, my life is most interesting when all 4 of us are together in one place.  I used to take it for granted that we would all be around for each other in our lives, after all, that is what family is for.  Miss them sometimes when I need a sib to grouse to.  Only a sib understands my perspective best, since we are all close in age and share similar values.

I always knew that I were to be blessed with children, I wanted at least 2 for them to grow up together and be there for each other.  Just like how I was brought up.

Going home :)

Yippee, I am going home in 5 hours' time.  What I bought

• 5 kurta tops (indian style) for me and various females in my extended family
• 2 kurta full suits for Medium Boy and Small Boy
• ... and nothing else

My shopping haul seems woefully inadequate when I type the above list.  Ah.  There is no more time to shop today.

Learning a Language

A fellow mommy blasted my mind open on Singapore's bilingualism policy. 

This fellow mommy (let's call her J) is the mom of one of Medium Boy's classmates.  The Husband and I typically stop off at a hawker centre after we drop Medium Boy off at school.  J stops at the same hawker centre too.  After a few days of smiling and nodding at each other, I decided to be bold one morning and plonked myself on the seat next to J.  From then, we exchanged pleasantries mainly about our sons, then parted ways to our daily activies.

One morning, I found out that J comes from KC.  Ah.  I come from a ching-cheong-Chinese school and yes I got my requisite B3 for Higher Chinese after studying like mad for 4 years, but it was really a tough time learning a language which is not my mother tongue.  Singapore's bilingualism policy obviously sparked off a tinder within J.  She spoke more and more passionately about how confined and restrictive it is

[Background: J's son, Medium Boy's classmate, is the product of a bi-cultural marriage.  J is Singaporean Chinese.  Her husband is Thai.] 

J: My son's default is 3 languagues - Chinese, Thai and English... and Singapore is content to have our people learn just 2.  We constantly whine that Chinese is difficult to learn.  Well the ang moh (=Caucasian) children are learning Chinese.  Oh my.  If we continue to be so complacent, the Indians and the PRCs and other will leapfrog over Singapore. 

Ahhhhhhhh.  I love my country and I certainly do not want to be leapfrogged over.
Time to enter Popular bookstore again and seek Chinese audio CDs for Medium Boy and Small Boy to pick up the language!

Men in India

Two observations about men in India.

Observation #1
Last evening as I exited the lift, 2 Indian men cut in front of me!  In Singapore, the able-bodied men will wait for the women, elderly and children to exit first in my HDB apartment lift, then walk out themselves.  It is a dance of watching each other's feet with minimal eye contact... Hehe.  Somehow the women will be out of the lift before the men even move.
BUT last evening, being born and bred in Singapore, and used to the ways of our men, I nearly crashed into the 2 men.  Who are obviously not following the above rule.

I am amused at myself, how I behave in India is the way I behave in Singapore.  I forget where I am!

Observation #2
95% of men in Chennai, India have some form of facial hair.

Didi is not a pet!

One evening, some time ago, Medium Boy was playing with Small Boy in the Ikea tent we put up for them in the playroom.  Medium Boy had to poo.  He took Small Boy by the shoulders, pushed him (lightly, but it was still a push) into the tent, and told Small Boy "I go poo poo, you stay here."

O_O

The Husband and I pulled Medium Boy aside and told him that his didi is not a kitten or puppy!  He needs to respect his brother as a person.

Love moulds me, not Work

I had a lovely dinner with S, my Indian colleague who is now also a friend.  His wife P cooked for R and me.  Dinner was coriander puree mixed with lemon, cottage cheese in spices, and potatoes in spices.  P has never encountered anyone from SE Asia before so she was full of questions like what is the Singapore culture like, how do I celebrate Chinese New Year, what is the Lantern festival about. 

S is young, well younger than I am by 2 years, but… he seems young mentally.  He is unhappy at work because he was rated below average for the 2011 performance appraisal.  And why was he thus rated?  Ah the plot thickens.  I knew that he sustained an injury at work during the third quarter of 2011 – an accident that affected his back – and was out of work for at least 6 weeks.  Then he was put into a Performance Improvement Program (what the…) and the below average rating affected his bonus too.  Sigh.

I told him to leave if he is really so unhappy…. Over dinner, when S was out of earshot, P also shared that he is becoming a different person, less jovial, less open and more guarded.  Hey man, if work affects you like that to become a different person, then please leave.  I told him the story of the sales manager who was asked to leave 2 months shy of his 40 year tenure with the company, as he opposed the whole ERP implementation program that the company was going through.  Massive change journey.  This very same sales manager told the young chiku (literal = unripe green fruit, figuratively a young untried person) me that if I were to die tomorrow due to a freak accident, the company will replace me immediately.  If I were very good, maybe they would need to find 2, 3 persons to replace me, but replace me they will.  Let the people who love you shape who you are, I said to him.  [Now I am blogging to remind myself too]

Let the people who love you shape who you are, and who you are becoming.

The people who do not care about me, do not care anyway.

Off to Chennai

Idling at the airport waiting for my plane....

I have not figured out how to upload photos from my iPhone to the blog yet. If any reader is kind enough to tell me please please?

Eternal curves

http://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/201206/eternal-curves

Woah oh.... a reason to love my curves!  Being hippy means more DHA for myself and my progeny :)

"A woman’s figure signals the abundance of her DHA supply. Studies show that women with curvier hourglass figures have more DHA stored in their body fat. And because DHA makes brains work better, these curvier women also tend to have smarter children and, contrary to what you might expect, to be smarter themselves."

The DHA or whatnot in my breastmilk certainly helped Medium Boy and Small Boy triple their birth weight by the time they were 4 to 5 months old.   My boss then PB said tripling of birth weight normally occurs when the baby is nearly 1 year old.  Strapping boys then, and still strapping boys now.

Navel gazing

Small Boy was born 2 and a half years ago.  I looked down at my navel, hence literally navel gazing, and the 'linea negra' that runs down my abdomen is totally gone now.  YAY!

Used to run pretty regularly before I met the husband.  Thanks to his foodie tendencies, too many meals of eating well has left its mark on my girth.  I have not seen my abdominal muscles for 6 years now.  Sigh.  *perks up* I have 2 handsome boys now.  I consider it a more than fair exchange - taut abdominal muscles for my sons.

Hypobirthing with Ginny Phang helped me to give birth drug free, no gas no epidural nothing.  It was not bravado.  All my reading and research led me to believe strongly that a drug free birth equals an alert baby ready to latch after birth.  Both Medium Boy and Small Boy responded to the Husband's soft whisper of their names straightaway after birth.  Me?  I remember feeling exhilarated and exhausted simultaneously.

Men do not make good wives

If the situation were reversed and he was the one facing work deadlines juggling multiple stakeholders, here is what I would do.

• Leave the house on time, prepare the boys for their daily routine so that he is at work by 830am
• In the evenings, ask if he needs to work or prepare for the next day .  If he says yes, bring the boys out to the market or the mall.
• Plan each week's meals, shop for groceries and make the meals 'magically' appear on the table

All I can say is that men are from Mars and women are from Venus.  Now I know why we as a unit cannot survive if he were a househusband, and I were to work.  Hmmph!

What a woman in business needs to know when travelling to India

I read an article in weekend TODAY culled from the New York Times that Indian expatriate women who return to India after a stint overseas (presumbly in New York) have to keep all clothing exposing the leg.  Showing cleavage is apparently fine, but not showing the leg.

I better find some pants to cover up while I am in Chennai, India next week.  There goes my plan to wear my knee length black dress office 'uniform'.  Men have it easy.  They only have to match their shirt to their pant to their shoe to their tie colour.... ok, I take it back.  Men have it easier.  Women need to think about whether to wear skirts or pants, how long the skirt/pant should be, how much (if any) to expose of the arm.  Oh my.  Just thinking about clothes gives me a headache.

Working women who want to be taken seriously in the workplace need to dress such that our clothes do not distract from our work message.  That is why when I go into the office, I dress mostly in my knee length black dress uniform.  With a change in accessories, I am able to create different looks.  No such luck for my work trip next week.  Sigh.