Oxygen masks

Airplane safety advisory tell passengers to put on their own oxygen masks before attending to a child.

I now remind myself to take care of myself first before I am able to take care of Medium Boy and Small Boy, plus date the Husband.  The past 2 weeks have been very challenging for my little family with 2 job transitions, and 3 people falling sick (I am the last woman standing dosing myself with Vitamin C and fish oil).  Last night was the first night since Monday 18 Feb that I have slept through the night........  The boys take turns waking up to cough, I wake up to care for them, my night's rest is interrupted, I have a low grade headache all through the day, I drink 2 cups of coffee to get through the work day in a haze.... 10 WHOLE days! 

Exercise and yoga, mini garden have all paused for now as I struggle to regain my footing.

Superman

This morning, Medium Boy beckoned me over and stage-whispered

"Come, Mama, I have a secret to tell you...."

He sat himself on my lap, lifted the flap of hair that covered my right ear and murmured

"I want to be Superman.  I will wear the Angry Bird tee shirt, long pants and stick straws into my socks, so that I can be Superman ok"


Hmm.  This seems to be a continuing conversation that started in December.  Tonight I shall ask him why he wants to be Superman.

'Dell' guys

Recently Medium Boy has been calling me Dell Mama, the Husband Dell Papa and his brother Dell Didi. If he wants our collective attention, he proclaims to all within earshot,

"HELLO Dell guys!"

He has not told me why the sudden fascination with this latest term of endearment.... I have asked him on and off last week. His response is either 'I dunno...' Or he smiles and shrugs off my question, changing the subject.


Have not been blogging.  Small Boy is down with a runny nose / cough / sore throat.
Wakes me up at night every 2 hours when he coughs himself awake, cries and murmurs 'my gum painful' (he really means his throat hurts) while sticking his finger down his throat in a vain attempt to take away the pain.  He is sooooo cute!  Even when he is sick, and I am sleep deprived

Faces in my face

I wake up and I see 2 biggish faces the size of a dinner plate (or so it seems) peering into my eyes.  Thought briefly of going back to sleep and squeezing my eyes shut.   Aw shucks, they have already detected I am awake.  Now I HAVE to get up.... creaky bones and all.

Me: (groggily) Good morning.... what are you doing boys?
Medium Boy:  Waiting for you to wake up, mama!  (points to Small Boy) I stopped him from peeling your eyes open.
Me: ......

Medium Boy declares....

to the Husband that he likes both his old school and new school.  :)

Gracefully protecting his IP

I confess: I am a big fan of the Far Side comics.  Gary Larson penned each single panel cartoon to depict the quirks of life... A wise priest shared the Far Side with us during a youth retreat, and I have been devouring his cartoons for 18 years.

In the Internet age, it seems all too easy to google and come up with a list of Far Side cartoons.  Larson wrote the following masterpiece to all such interlopers, and lo and behold, most of his cartoons are offline. 

Amazing stuff, this letter.

==========================

RE: Online Use of Far Side Cartoons

TO WHOM IT MAY CONCERN:

I'm walking a fine line here.

On the one hand, I confess to finding it quite flattering that some of my fans have created web sites displaying and / or distributing my work on the Internet. And, on the other, I'm struggling to find the words that convincingly but sensitively persuade these Far Side enthusiasts to "cease and desist" before they have to read these words from some lawyer.

What impact this unauthorized use has had (and is having) in tangible terms is, naturally, of great concern to my publishers and therefore to me -- but it's not the focus of this letter. My effort here is to try and speak to the intangible impact, the emotional cost to me, personally, of seeing my work collected, digitized, and offered up in cyberspace beyond my control.

Years ago I was having lunch one day with the cartoonist Richard Guindon, and the subject came up how neither one of us ever solicited or accepted ideas from others. But, until Richard summed it up quite neatly, I never really understood my own aversions to doing this: "It's like having someone else write in your diary," he said. And how true that statement rang with me. In effect, we drew cartoons that we hoped would be entertaining or, at the very least, not boring; but regardless, they would always come from an intensely personal, and therefore original perspective.

To attempt to be "funny" is a very scary, risk-laden proposition. (Ask any stand-up comic who has ever "bombed "on stage.) But if there was ever an axiom to follow in this business, it would be this: be honest to yourself and -- most important -- respect your audience.

So, in a nutshell (probably an unfortunate choice of words for me), I only ask that this respect be returned, and the way for anyone to do that is to please, please refrain from putting The Far Side out on the Internet. These cartoons are my "children," of sorts, and like a parent, I'm concerned about where they go at night without telling me. And, seeing them at someone's web site is like getting the call at 2:00 a.m. that goes, "Uh, Dad, you're not going to like this much, but guess where I am."

I hope my explanation helps you to understand the importance this has for me, personally, and why I'm making this request.

Please send my "kids" home. I'll be eternally grateful.

Most respectfully,

Gary Larson

Back to School

Dropped off Medium Boy and Small Boy to school this morning after the Chinese New Year break in Malaysia. 

The director, Teacher D, was downstairs and we chatted for a while.  She observes that Medium Boy looked a little bit grouchy, whereas Small Boy seemed fine.  Yes Medium Boy did tell me last week that he liked his old school better because they had toys for him to play with... and he did not want to come back to Singapore.

Ah, said Teacher D.  She understands now why Medium Boy seemed miffed this morning.  The Montessori method of education starts from the premise that the child is a rational being who works at his learning.  The 3 hours of school each day are very intense in learning activities... the children rotate between language, math and a sensorial activity in school.

I am very comfortable with Medium Boy's development.... He knows how to write his own name now *smile*  But I still need to watch him for dyslexia.  His lower case letters b, p and d are frequently written wrongly....

I hope I am being oversensitive in this area.

Feedback from AJ

I asked for feedback from my work team on my displayed behaviours and how it maps to the new leadership attributes of authenticity, growth, performance and collaboration.

This is how I look like to A and J from Germany.
It is fun to interact with me as I have a good sense of humour and offer different views on an issue!  thank you thank you *grin*
My resilience needs working on... This is not shown by losing composure, but rather by hiding from a situation and affecting my health.

I view all feedback as a gift and it is very obvious that A and J spent some time on my request for feedback.  I am grateful I have honest and open teammates to open Room 2 (Blind Spot) of my Johari Window.

Will chase the rest of my teammates and my ex boss for the feedback.  Accepting feedback is easy.... acting on that feedback is a life long learning process.

Sisu and Schadenfreude

English is a really adaptable language.  It freely claims words from other languages and makes them its own.

I read a feature on Finnish F1 driver Kimi Raikkonen a couple of months back in the Straits Times sports section and came across this word - sisu - used to describe him.  Today I have a bit of time in between running work reports, hence googled.
[My porous brain remembered the word as risu... at first I tried google translate, typed risu in, and google translate detected first Malay (!!!) then Italian (!!!!!!)]

From Wikipedia: Sisu is a Finnish term loosely translated into English as strength of will, determination, perseverance, and acting rationally in the face of adversity. Sisu is not bravery, not courage, not strength.  It is the ability to finish a task successfully, the will and decisiveness to surmount challenges despite impossible odds.

Loosely translated into English, the German term Schadenfreude means happiness at another's misfortune.  There is a lot of German schadenfreude around these days in Singapore, where my dear countrymen takes delight in pulling one another down.... oh, the trash that goes onto STOMP, Straits Time's online portal for everything and nothing.....


Methinks everyone needs more Sisu and less Schadenfreude

Introverts and Extroverts

As part of my personal development, I dip into the Company's database of e-books to broaden my own knowledge.  The first book that caught my eye today is Nancy Ancowitz's 'Self Promotion for Introverts: The quiet guide to getting ahead'.  In the introduction, she lists the difference between introverts and extroverts.

Looking at the list, I am definitely an introvert, which is borne out by my MBTI scores on the intraversion / extraversion scale.  I used to be even more introverted in uni but have since learnt to talk a little bit more.

Introverts	Extroverts
Get energy from “down time”	Get energy from people contact
Think before speaking or acting	Think out loud
Listen more	Talk more
Speak more softly	Speak faster and louder
Are more inclined to make deep conversation	Are more inclined to make chitchat
Prefer to speak with one or two people at a time	Prefer to work the room
Wait to be approached in social situations	Initiate conversations in social situations
Are typically reserved	Are typically active and expressive
Enjoy working alone or with one person	Enjoy working in a group
Know a lot about a few topics	Know a little about a lot of topics
Are reflective and appear more calm	Are more energetic
Are more detail oriented	Prefer faster, less complicated tasks
Need more personal space	Enjoy more people contact—the more the merrier
Are more private and hesitant about self-disclosure	Are more readily open
Have a few deep interests	Have many interests

Society seems to value extroverts more than introverts.  Hence I arm myself with the necessary tools to promote myself, and well, generally be a more pleasant person to be around :).  Susan Cain in her TED talk makes an interesting point that when introverts do get to leadership positions, followers intuitively sense that they are there because of their deep belief in the cause and not for themselves.  In fact, followers sense the introverted leader will much rather be home alone, or in this case 'office alone', with their own thoughts but are compelled to be leaders by the courage of their conviction.

That's true for me.  I prefer not to speak, but to listen attentively.... there was one work interaction which led to a deeper connection between me and my Indian teammate S.  J, my ex boss, usually starts our fortnightly work meeting with work or personal highlights and lowlights.  S shared that she had been in hospital for a week but she is ok now.  My antenna immediately went up, and I pinged her to ask how she is.  From her hestitant and slow responses on IM (she is normally an open and chatty person), I deduced that she had just suffered a miscarriage, then told her "You and husband must be very sad to lose baby".  S was initially taken aback.... she was silent for a long while, then said yes I m right, but how did I know.... we spoke for a while more and shared our traditional medicine (me: traditional chinese medicine, S: india ayurvedic medicine) remedies for women who miscarry.

Chinese New Year in Malaysia

For the past 6 years, I spend my Chinese New Year in Malaysia at the in laws' home.  Some rituals remain the same... the yearly visits to relatives that we see only once a year.... to the extent that my 3rd sister called them "New Year relatives" when she was ~6 years old.  Some rituals are slightly different.

The difference between CNY in Malaysia and CNY in Singapore is

• Fireworks and firecrackers are commonplace in Malaysia; they are banned in Singapore.  The Chinese believe that loud noises scare the demon (年) away to ward off evil
• The in laws bake our own new year goodies like pineapple tarts, (pineapple sounds like 'prosperity come' in Mandarin), cheesecakes, steamed cakes and assorted crackers.  *Yummy. Burp*

Companies usually give their Chinese employees the entire week off for them to return for the all-important reunion dinner 团圆饭.  All members of the family - sons and daughters in law plus grandchildren, and any unmarried daughters - gather at their parents' table to partake in food that will give good fortune to all.  The traditional CNY reunion dinner will have

• Fish to represent abundance
• Lotus Root soup to signify that we will have sufficient to eat every year
• Prawns for happiness as prawns in Mandarin 虾sounds like the haha sound of laughter.
• Mushrooms with dried oysters and black fungi.  Oysters to represent 'all good things' and black fungi for 'monetary prosperity'.
• Steamed molasses cakes 年糕 for sweetness in life.

If there are any members of the family not present at the reunion dinner, a separate bowl of rice and cutlery (soup soup and chopsticks) and an empty seat are set aside for them in the hope that they will return next year.

Valentine's Day

.... is a non-event.

We are still at the ILs' place, the Husband and I.  Heading back to SG on Monday.

I toyed with the idea of asking him to bring his mom out for dinner.  Maybe tomorrow is a better day.  Service is not great every 14 February anyway.

Our first Valentine's Day together was spent in JB waiting to get onto the shuttle bus to Senai Airport to catch an AirAsia flight to KL.  He bought me a plate of nasi lemak (rice cooked with coconut milk, usually eaten with sambal chilli) and a Milo peng.  No flowers. 
We are practical people, the Husband and I.

When the boys grow up, I will educate them to be equally practical.  Their future girl friends might not thank me for it, but their future wives will.
I am the Scourge of Valentine's Day.  Haha.

Valentine's Day brings to mind a conversation my young female cousin posted on Facebook, overhearing a conversation between 2 uni undergrads, both guys.

Guy 1: I go to her hostel room, and I wash the toilet together with her.... (referring to girl friend)
Guy 2: FWAH, what kind of loser are you, dude.

My cousin is of the opinion that Guy 1 did the right thing.  Aww, so sweet.  Aww, so caring.  Aww, so considerate.
Me.... I agree with Guy 2 that Guy 1 is a loser too.  C'mon man, you are not even using the toilet that you had washed as much as the girl did.  You can wash toilets together with her when you both use the toilet - more or less - equally, or you own the toilet together.  Imagine if the genders are reversed.... The girl washing the guy's toilet.... now that would not be sweet already right, dear cousin, but abuse of the girl friend.....
.
Ah, perhaps I am just biased because I wouldn't want my boys to wash their girl friends' hostel room toilets.

The Best of East and West

I count myself very fortunate to live in Singapore as people from both East and West work, live and play here.  Before Sir Raffles Stamford landed on our shores in 1819, Singapore was a trade centre in the Malay archipelago by virtue of our geographical position and our natural deep harbour.

When I look back at my growing up years, the education I have received is a blend of both East and West.  With only myself as the sample, here is what I observe to be good and bad about both East and West in the area of education.

What is good about the West: The scientific method of inquiry and conclusions. 

What is good about the East, specifically Chinese: Concise articulation of values.  My secondary school’s motto is 诚信勇忠which approximately translates to honesty / integrity, trustworthiness, courage and loyalty.  The Chinese characters have only 4 sounds to capture all that.  Pretty amazing stuff.

What is bad about the West:  Wide boundaries.  This complements the scientific mind but somehow does not fit my Asian / Chinese / Singaporean mind.

What is bad about the East: Rote learning without knowing the context.

What shall I teach Medium Boy and Small Boy?  How shall I even live my own life for that matter, keeping what is best from each system and de-emphasizing the rest…

Why God?

Medium Boy and I were eating our lunch side by side.  His female cousin G had flounced into the kitchen twirling her ballerina skirt around, multi coloured hair ties in her hair.

MB: Why did God make me a boy and not a girl, Mama?

Me: (stunned momentarily)  Why do you want to be a girl…..

MB: (smiles wryly and continues eating while looking at G)

Me: Ah, do you want to wear a skirt and tie up your hair like G too… maybe… sometimes….

I can only guess what he was thinking, hey, I am no psychic.  Only an often amused, sometimes bemused mama.

When I am an MIL - part 2

I had spent the last couple of months being annoyed with my MIL, without really realizing why.

The Husband and I were out at Starbucks sipping a green tea frappacino over lunch on Tuesday when he commented that the frap is too sweet, and added as an afterthought “I must have told you before… my mom says that ever since we married, my taste buds have changed…. I find her food too salty now.”

*AHA light bulb moment *

I replied to the Husband, “You are a silly man.  Next time, just eat whatever she cooks and keep quiet.”

And continued “When you are with your mother, you must make her feel as if she is the most important woman in your life….” To which he smiled and nodded.

Then added my twist “When you are with your wife, you must also make her feel as if she is the most important woman in your life….”  He looked at me incredulously.

“If your mom and I do not get along, it is your fault, my dear!”

Reflection: I have 2 boys, I will be a MIL one day.  If my dear son ever makes me feel like I am #2 woman in his life, my first reaction will be to give hell to his gf or wife.  Then I hope and pray I remember this post to remind myself to act from a higher plane of consciousness.

Proud of himself

2 years 10 months and a few days old.

This morning, I held Small Boy's hand in the kitchen when he suddenly went still. First came the explosive sneeze expelling 2 streams of mucus, then the loud (and smelly!) fart from his - thankfully! - diapered bottom.

He turned to me, an expression of pure wonder and accomplishment in his eyes.... And said

"Mama, I sneeze and fart at the same time...."

only a boy will be so proud of his bodily functions. *face palm*

LOL

Traffic lights fall down

Sunday drive to JB to get groceries

Small Boy: MAMA, the traffic light fall down!

Indeed the traffic lights were slightly skewed, probably as a result of a passing car or motorcycle.

Small Boy:  The traffic lights have cars and motorcycles and vans and no green light, Mama
(referring to the lights just before JB immigration)

What is his current obsession with traffic lights??

A good doctor is worth her weight in gold

The boys' paediatrician is Dr B.  I hesitate to reveal more of her name as her patient load is so full that she is currently turning away new patients that are not medical emergencies.

How did I know she was THE doctor for Medium Boy and Small Boy?
I have a healthy scepticism for Western medicine.  To me, the whole body of knowledge treats the symptoms and not the cause... as a new mother when Medium Boy was born, when the ob/gyn asked me to choose a PD, I went along with his recommendation... as I did not know better.

Vaccines are normally lab treated (and the pharma firms say.... milder) variants of the same bug they are designed to prevent.  I cannot make sense of why a newborn with an undeveloped immune system has to be vaccinated.  Medium Boy was delivered by vacuum, hence he had Vitamin K in case his system had a shock..... I left the BCG vaccination until he was 2 weeks old.  Dr B was fine with this.

The first time I consulted Dr B was when Medium Boy was 5 days old.  MB had already been pricked on his heel 2 times during those 5 days as he displayed the classic symptoms of jaundice - yellowing in the whites of his eyes and yellowing at his joints.  Day 1, which I was not present, and Day 4 at PD #1.  The bilirubin level result was 16.2 on Day 4.  PD #1 recommended hospitalisation but he did not push his case when I said I wanted Medium Boy with me.  [14 to 16 reading indicates mild jaundice; above 16s are normally hospitalised; above 18s need blood transfusions]
I recoiled physically at the thought of being away from Medium Boy when he had spent the previous 38 weeks being one with me.

In desperation on day 4, I called Dr B in the late afternoon... and begged for an appointment for the next day.  Nurse S probably heard the crazed note of a new mom in my voice and scheduled a 2pm - first in the afternoon - appointment the next day.

When I turned up at Dr B's clinic, I was like the wary Smiggle in Lord of the Rings, only that my preciousssssssss is Medium Boy.  Prepared to hold onto him for dear life, and to hiss at anyone who remotely suggested taking him away from me.
Dr B asked me "What was his result?" I said 16.2 and only pricked yesterday, then ventured to ask if she wanted to prick him again today.  She looked at me a tad incredulously, no of course not, she replied, it hurts and one day wont make much of a difference to her diagnosis.  PLUS she is pro-breastfeeding and understood how important skin-to-skin contact is for a successful latch.
She advised me to rent a bilibed instead for home therapy.

OH in that instant, my anxious heart was stilled.
I knew she put her patients' welfare above everything else (Dr B is not above telling me to research more when I asked her about breastfeeding).... I just KNOW.  I can entrust Medium Boy and Small Boy to her good hands, medically.  Now, if I bring just Medium Boy or Small Boy to her, she asks about the other brother.  She is also my mentor in mothering them.... she observed both of them interacting in the consultation room one day and remarked... these 2, they will gang up and cover for each other their misdeeds one day, and YOU, dear mommy, will know nothing unless they choose to tell you.  *grin*

She is a slight woman, is Dr B.

In fact, with her hair down and dressed in a tank top and red shorts when she came into hospital on Easter Sunday 2010 to visit Small Boy, she looked very much the teenager.  The giveaway is the stethoscope around her neck.

I have used her advice and her name "I asked Dr B, and Dr B says tis ok" when the elders wonder aloud in my presence whether I should continue breastfeeding, what age to wean, what age to talk and walk.  When Medium Boy was 18mo, and still made one-word sounds, she simply said, well he is still in the normal range of speech development.... then turned to the extroverted talk-a-mile-a-minute Husband and said, maybe you should give him a chance to reply to you.  :P

Now I am referring my primary school classmate's 20mo daughter's case of UTI Urinary Tract Infection to her.  In this day when I have encountered many doctors who recommend diagnostic tests to cover their own risks, she is truly a doctor worth her weight in gold.